political humor

Iranian President has called President Obama a big bully. You know, when you're 5 feet 2 inches, you think everybody's a big bully." –Jay Leno

"He threatened to punch President Obama right in the knee." –Jay Leno

"Sarah Palin's daughter is speaking out. In an interview, Bristol says she realizes she was totally unprepared to be a mother. Hey, it's better than being a mother that's totally unprepared to be vice president." –Jay Leno

"Bristol Palin is continuing her campaign about teen pregnancy. It's funny that she's going around telling kids not to get pregnant when her mom is telling people, 'Drill, baby, drill.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

China has canceled a series of Bob Dylan concerts because they say his lyrics are too politically charged. Really? They understand his lyrics?

"Alan Greenspan, the former chairman of the Federal Reserve, said of his time in office, "I was wrong 30% of the time." Well that's not bad - for a weatherman - or a free throw shooter - but you were the Chairman of the Fed. We need the Fed to be on the pill and you ran it on the rhythm method." –Seth Meyers

According to the Pentagon, al-Qaida has been so weakened financially that they're turning to crimes like drugs, prostitution, and adjustable-rate mortgages - Jay Leno

Well, according to the Pentagon, Al Qaeda is in financial ruin. You know why they're broke? Health insurance premiums." –Jay Leno

"Well, the big news is Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens is retiring. I mean, this won't affect as many Americans as when Paula left 'American Idol,' but it's still a big deal." –Jay Leno

"Tiger Woods said he would try to keep his emotions under control, but after a bad swing, he used the F-word. Who does he think he is — vice president of the United States?" –Jay Leno

"KFC coming out with their new Double Down sandwich. It's bacon and cheese wrapped inside two pieces of fried chicken. In fact, today, Al Qaeda said: 'We quit. When it comes to killing Americans, we can't keep up with you guys.'" –Jay Leno