Re: Jon Stewart - hilarious

Saurabh you were bang on about him saying things in threes - here too he says Healthcare cannot wait, must not wait, and will not wait.

On Fri, Feb 27, 2009 at 11:00 AM, Kedar Desai wrote:

The part where he takes off on Easy America is hilarious

 

http://www.indecisionforever.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=219494

political humor

Yeah, he just this week signed a $787 billion stimulus bill, he proposed a $250 billion housing rescue package. He's been in office a month, and he's dropped a trillion dollars. Is that black enough for you?" --Bill Maher

"But what a task this guy has. He's got, on the one hand, to tell the people the truth. And on the other hand, try to lift our morale. Bill Clinton said today, you know, come on, lift morale, get out there and sell the hope thing, you know, that hope shit you've got. And both sides of the aisle are saying this. We have finally found something Democrats and Republicans agree that the president needs to do: lie." --Bill Maher

"And he does, because, I mean, some of our nations largest banks have been described this week as 'dead men walking.' The New York Times says they are insolvent, and here's the thing. Nobody will say the names of the banks, because you say the names, their stock will tank even worse. But here's a hint: one of them rhymes with 's**tty bank,' and the other rhymes with 'skank of America.'" --Bill Maher
 

These banks are hurting. I opened a new account, and the lady asked me for a toaster." --Bill Maher

"No, but it's hurting everyone all over. You heard about this, the Oscars are going to be a lot less gaudy this year. The Oscars, where I'm a presenter this year ... in the category I should have been nominated in. ... No, my money is on 'Slumdog Millionaire,' which is also what I call my broker" --Bill Maher

"The Oscars are kind of a special time in Hollywood. It's a time when celebrities take a break from worshipping Barack Obama and take some time to worship themselves."

Our Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is in China. While she was in China, she also managed to get a pirated copy of the movie 'The Watchmen,' which hasn't even come out yet.

Secretary of state Hillary Clinton was in Japan this week, where she had kind of an awkward moment. I guess she saw a couple of sumo wrestlers and said to the Japanese prime minister, 'Oh, you have interns here, too.'" --Jay Leno

"Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi met with the Pope this week. After the meeting, Pelosi asked for the Pope's blessing, and he agreed. But there was an embarrassing moment when the Pope asked her to close her eyes. Pelosi said, 'You know, I can't. They don't really close.' " --Jay Leno

 

 

Inspired by Slumdog Millionaire

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Anoop G. Bhat


Inspired by the success of Slumdog Millionaire at the Oscars, the producers have decided to release several versions tailored to specific audience needs. A sampler:

1.  Diet version: Slimdog Millionaire
2.  X-rated version: Slimdoggystyle Millionaire
3.  PETA version: Slumdogbreeding is evil Millionaire
4.  PC version: Dwelling for the Economically Marginalized Canine Person of Means
5.  Rapper version: Who you callin a slumdawg? Millionaire
6.  Obama version: We Can all be Slumdog Millionaires
7.  Sarah Palin version: I can see Slumdog Millionaire from my house
8.  John McCain: I spent 5 years in a slum in 'nam Millionaire

On a related note, the Society for Legalisation of Prostitution has formally adopted "Jai Ho" as its theme song...

political cartoons

Obama cartoon

Hilarious: Freudian Slip at the FT

The Fed might adopt a 2% inflation target. But check out the headline in this pic

 

 

political humor

Happy Presidents' Day, everybody. As you know, the banks were all closed today. I understand a few are expected to open tomorrow." --Jay Leno

"Presidents' Day, of course, the day we honor presidents Washington and Lincoln. And Saturday was, of course, Valentine's Day, the day we celebrate President Clinton." --Jay Leno

"Congress passed the biggest spending bill in US history: $787 billion. The newspapers said today not one politician in Washington has read the bill, to which President Bush said, 'See, nobody reads that stuff! Who says I have no legacy?'" --Jay Leno

After withdrawing his name for commerce secretary, Sen. Judd Gregg said he hoped he was just embarrassing himself and not President Obama, to which Joe Biden said, 'Don't worry about it. I do it all the time.'" --Jay Leno

Last week, an American satellite collided with a Russian satellite over Siberia. And Sarah Palin said she could see the collision from her house." --Jay Leno

 

"Everybody has got Fashion Week fever in New York City, where they had a big 50th anniversary tribute to Barbie. Can you believe that Barbie has been around 50 years? During that time, they have had Preppie Barbie, Wedding Barbie, and Republican Running Mate Barbie." --David Letterman

"A new poll of historians just came out. And the poll has named former President George W. Bush one of the ten worst presidents of all time. But on the bright side, Bush was selected second best president named George Bush." --Conan O'Brien

"This is weird. Yesterday, one of President Obama's top advisors said that choosing cabinet members is not like picking 'American Idol.' Yeah, mainly because the 'American Idol' contestants have paid their taxes." --Conan O'Brien

 

political cartoons

Miss India quote

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Anoop Bhat

Hehe...just heard on "Miss India Worldwide" , in response to what she would do if she won the crown.." I have always been interested to help the needies"

 

Reminds me of the time we were exchanging much-abused work-cliches (and their mangled versions), a colleague came up with what his old once sent him: a request to "pls do the needy".

 

Pictures

--
Kedar Desai
+44 (0) 789 420 1415

Bush Satire

"The fact is, this shows that 'voodoo economics' is a disaster, just like I
said," said George H.W. Bush, who coined the phrase to describe
Reagonomics<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reaganomics#cite_note-24>,
economics based on Reagan's belief that giving everything to the rich would
fill the coffers of the poor. "I knew Reagonomics was bad in 1978, but it
took my son to prove how much it really sucks."

Corey interview

Corey is a teenager in australia who celebrated his 16th bday by inviting
over 500 people off facebook, who trashed the neighbourhood, cops had to be
called in.
In this interview, he has no regrets. Its hilarious. Also, aussie accents
are the best

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0IAUwtyquE

 

Teen cult hero and *Big Brother* intruder Corey Worthington has reportedly
banked $200,000 since exploding onto the national scene at the start of the
year — and now he has a movie in the works.

His agent Max Markson was coy about discussing figures, saying his net worth
fell "well short" of the claim, but told the *Courier-Mail* his client was
getting a lot more than the proverbial 15 minutes out of his fame.

"I will say he has done very, very well for himself over the past few months
and I am very proud of him," he said.

"This is only the beginning for him."

 

Bushism

"I've abandoned free market principles to save the free market system."
--George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Dec. 16, 2008

TED video

Within 5 mins it will become evident that this is the best presentation of
stats you will see.
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/hans_rosling_shows_the_best_stats_...

TED videos

This is very interesting, really picks up around the 9 - 10th minute.
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/sugata_mitra_shows_how_kids_teach_...

 

5 minutes of the best camerawork you will see
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/david_gallo_shows_underwater_aston...

 

the following video has a very funny moment between the 5th and the 6th
minute.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Cpc-t-Uwv1I&feature=related

This one has a really funny Shakespeare moment around the 7th minute
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iG9CE55wbtY&feature=channel

This is one of the most fascinating, mesmerizing talks you will hear. Al
Pacino tries to do his 'Devil's Advocate' type soliloquies this way and
fails miserably
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=UyyjU8fzEYU

 

political humor Dec 24 - 26

"I tell you, the economy's rough. People are standing behind President
Bush<http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/georgewbush/tp/george-bush-jokes.htm>just
to get the free shoes." --Jay Leno

*"*You folks around the country probably know this, but here in New York
City it's freezing cold. It's so cold today that that Bernie Madoff is
actually looking forward to burning in hell." --David Letterman

"It's so cold today President
Bush<http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/georgewbush/tp/george-bush-jokes.htm>was
ducking ski boots." --David Letterman

Ford Motors, by God, Ford Motors is working on a brand new car called the
Fusion. It's a hybrid and runs on a combination of gas and bailout money -
David Letterman
"Barack Obama<http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/barackobama/tp/barack-obama-jokes.htm>is
on vacation in Hawaii right now. And today many newspapers carried
pictures of a shirtless Obama playing in the ocean. Did you see that? Yeah.
So as you're thinking of things to be thankful for this holiday, remember,
that could have been a shirtless John
McCain<http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/johnmccain/tp/john-mccain-jokes.htm>."
--Conan O'Brien

"The White House staff has been briefing Barack Obama's team on a series of
worst-case scenarios that could face the country after President Bush leaves
office. That's the latest. Yeah. Apparently, the absolute worst case
scenario is that
Bush<http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/georgewbush/tp/george-bush-jokes.htm>doesn't
leave office." --Conan O'Brien

"What a rough crowd last night. Rough, they were surly. They were quiet. I'm
telling you. It was quiet in here. It was like a Lehman Brothers Christmas
party.
The suburbs are cold also. Up in Chappaqua,
Bill<http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/funnypictures/ig/Funny-Clinton-Pic...>and
Hillary<http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/hillaryclinton/tp/hillary-clinton-...>accidentally
got into the same bed. It's that cold." --David Letterman

"The shoe-tossing guy
<http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/georgewbush/a/bush-shoe-jokes.htm>in
Iraq, you know, he wrote a letter to President Bush and he apologized. He
said, 'Dear president Bush, I'm sorry I threw a shoe at you.' And I was
thinking, wait a minute. When is President Bush going to apologize for
invading Iraq?" --David Letterman

"It was so cold in Alaska, somebody is putting chapstick on a pig." --Jay
Leno

"President-elect Barack Obama and his family are in Hawaii this week. To
which President Bush said, 'You know, I prefer spending my Christmases right
here in the United States.'" --Jay Leno

"Governor Arnold
Schwarzenegger<http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/images/blpic-arnoldgovernator...>said
in an interview on '60 Minutes' on Sunday that, if the Constitution
allowed it, he would like to run for president. Yeah. Yeah. There's a
switch, a Republican being stopped by the Constitution, when does that ever
happen?" --Jay Leno

"The largest donor at the Clinton library turns out to be Saudi Arabia.
Yeah. Well, some critics argue that such close financial ties to the Mideast
could be a conflict of interest. However, Hillary Clinton says she will not
advocate Arab policies. Except, you know, the practice of stoning
adulterers." --Jay Leno

"NBC is showing, once again, the classic movie 'It's a Wonderful Life.' See,
it is so different today. See, when they made that movie, back then the
government actually asked banks to account for what money was missing."
--Jay Leno

 

Jon Stewart

George Bush is way way better than Jon Stewart as a comedianhttp://politicalhumor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http://ww...

auto bailout - random musing

why did they announce 17.4 billion for the auto firms, and not 17 or 18? why
the 0.4? During the 700B package, one congress member or treasury official,
when asked how they came up with the 700 figure, had said that 'we just
wanted a big number'

this is even better - it has 13.4 from the 700 B package, which is the
reason for the 17.4. So, of the 700, they have used up 350, and of the
remaining 350 they calculated they would need 336.6 billion for non-auto
bailouts. Genius!

Reminds me of the old Readers Digest joke, about the director who wanted 50,001 extras to film a war scene. When asked why 50,001 he patiently replied, well- it's one guy leading and 50,000 others behind him.

Economist extract on the Senate

A CENTURY ago, the Senate had many detractors. It was a club for
millionaires with a culture of alcoholism, writes Lewis Gould in "The Most
Exclusive Club: A History of the Modern United States Senate". Grover
Cleveland's wife is said to have roused him from slumber with the words:
"Wake up! There are robbers in the house." The president replied: "I think
you are mistaken. There are no robbers in the House, but there are lots in
the Senate." Around the same time, a senator from Maine named William P.
Frye lamented that "there are several in our distinguished body who hold
their seats by purchase."

Is today's Senate any better? Those who say no have seen plenty of recent
evidence to buttress their case. Ted Stevens of Alaska was caught trousering
gifts from contractors. David Vitter and Larry Craig were caught with their
trousers down (though Mr Craig maintains that his were lowered for
legitimate reasons). A couple of senators are accused of accepting cut-price
loans from a lender they should have been regulating more vigilantly. And
Frye's lament about the way vacated Senate seats are filled could hardly
sound more contemporary.

senators have the power (not to mention the verbosity) to talk a bill to
death. It takes 60 votes out of 100 to end a filibuster, so 41 senators can
block almost anything. If the least-populous states ganged together,
senators representing 11% of the population could theoretically thwart the
will of the other 89%. This kind of power has often been used for ill.
Southern Democrats filibustered to keep the segregationist Jim Crow laws
alive. Rural senators today ensure that wasteful, trade-distorting,
ally-enraging farm subsidies will never die.

Yet the Senate has virtues as well as vices. As well as slowing the
legislative process, it often makes it more thoughtful. When the House
passes a bill in hotheaded haste, the Senate cools it down. In a country as
vast and diverse as America, there is something to be said for making it
hard for the central government to impose sudden, radical change on
everyone. And the excruciating difficulty of getting anything controversial
through the Senate forces lawmakers to sit down and take account of opposing
views. On December 11th, for example, Senate Republicans blocked a bail-out
for Detroit's carmakers. This thwarted the clearly expressed will of
majorities in both the House and the Senate. But it was the right thing to
do. A bail-out would either delay inevitable restructuring or (worse) put
Congress in charge of it. The bail-out's advocates will try again. But they
will have to come up with a more plausible plan.
Power to the centrists

Next year the Democrats will have large majorities in both arms of Congress,
but not quite enough seats in the Senate to shut down filibusters and make
Republicans irrelevant. The Senate will thus be the second-toughest check on
the new president, after the rapidly emptying Treasury. But Mr Obama's lack
of a crushing Senate majority could actually help him govern better. If the
Democrats had 60 seats, Mr Obama's supporters would expect him to sign a
bunch of narrowly partisan bills. Since they don't, such bills won't reach
his desk. If, for example, his fellow Democrats try to abolish the right to
a secret ballot before a workplace is unionised, Senate Republicans will
stop them.

The biggest and best reforms of the past have usually been bipartisan—think
of the Civil Rights Act in 1964 or welfare reform in 1996. Mr Obama, too,
has a better chance of changing America for the better if he reaches across
the aisle. Take health care. He cannot substantially and permanently expand
coverage (a Democratic priority) unless he also tackles soaring health-care
costs (a Republican one). Or take climate change. It would be politically
suicidal to force higher energy prices on Americans without bipartisan
cover. There are plenty of moderates in the new Senate, from Olympia Snowe
and Susan Collins on the Republican side to Mark Warner and Claire McCaskill
on the Democratic one. Charlie Cook, a political analyst, counts at least 23
centrists, who will in effect hold the balance of power. Mr Obama should
work with them. He may find a useful ally in his old sparring partner, John
McCain.

Letters to the economist

SIR – Lexington stated that Mr Obama faces "a mother-in-law of a recession".
This is not a wholly accurate description. Unlike mother-in-laws, recessions
rarely arrive unexpectedly on one's doorstep. Nor do they exhibit
behavioural patterns that defy normal rational explanation. And although
both share a capacity to inflict misery and despair on the innocent, the
scars from a recession will eventually heal.

Finbar O'Keeffe
Studio City, California

political humor Dec 11 - 18

Shocking news out of Illinois today. Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested
on corruption charges, including the allegation that he was selling Barack
Obama's vacant senate seat. Now, I personally am surprised Obama even needed
a seat. I thought he just levitated." --Stephen Colbert

"Rod Blagojevich is facing jail time, which will be a switch. In federal
prison, he'll be going to the highest bidder. See, it's totally different
now." --Jay Leno

"Well, President-elect Barack Obama and his family are gonna spend the
holidays in his home state of Hawaii. And you know who couldn't be more
thrilled with this? The press, the reporters who follow the president. Well,
think about it. After eight years of spending every holiday cutting brush in
Crawford, Texas, they get to go to Hawaii!" --Jay Leno

"And earlier today, President-elect Obama and Vice President-elect Biden met
with Al Gore in Chicago to discuss energy and climate change issues. Obama,
Gore and Biden. So, you have the greatest speaker of our lifetime, the most
boring speaker of our lifetime and the guy who speaks non-stop for our
entire lifetime. All together in one room." --Jay Leno

"Voters in Louisiana on Saturday kicked out of office Democratic Senator
William Jefferson. You remember this guy? Remember the guy who was indicted
last year for having $90,000 in bribe money, in cash, in his freezer? Well,
the voters kicked him out of office. How ironic is that? The only politician
in Washington who actually saved some money. Make him treasury secretary.
Put all our money in the freezer!" --Jay Leno

"But, you know, when the Big Three CEOs went to Washington, they said,
'We've got to have $25 billion.' Congress said, 'You know what? Wait right
here. Let me go to the back and talk to the manager.'" --David Letterman

"You can tell President Bush has been living in public housing a little too
long. Like, when a reporter asked him if he was looking forward to escrow he
said, 'You know, I don't like snails.'" --Jay Leno

"Oh, and Barack Obama, you know, he smokes cigarettes. But he's promising
not to smoke cigarettes in the White House, which I think is good. I think
that's really good, because we all know what happened to the last president
who used tobacco products in the oval office." --Jay Leno

Today, Congress sent the White House a $15 billion bailout of the big three
automakers. They're calling the loan an emergency bridge. I assume so the
CEOs have something to jump off." --Stephen Colbert

And, according to the New York Times, former president Bill Clinton says he
is open to the possibility of a role in the Barack Obama administration.
Well, actually, what he said was, he was looking for a desk job. I don't
know what that means." --Jay Leno

"President Bush and his lovely wife Laura have purchased a new home in
Dallas, Texas, worth $2 million.How does that work when the president
applies for a home loan? Like, when they do a credit check, do they include
the trillion-dollar deficit?" --Jay Leno

"Rod Blagojevich was arrested for trying to sell a seat in the Senate to the
highest bidder. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. And folks, if convicted, he could
wind up in prison, where his seat will be sold to the highest bidder."
--Conan O'Brien

"President-elect Barack Obama, today, called for Illinois Governor Rod
Blagojevich to resign. Blagojevich said, 'I'll do that if the price is
right.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Speaking of Governor Blagojevich. Today -- coincidence -- today is his
birthday. So for the second day in a row, Federal agents jumped out and
yelled, 'Surprise!'" --Conan O'Brien

"This week, the White House sent out a memo listing President Bush's
successes and accomplishments. Actually, it's not so much a memo as it is a
Post-it note." --Conan O'Brien

"A plan to bail out the Big Three automakers stalled in Congress today.
Yeah. As a result, Congress plans to buy a better-built Japanese bailout
plan." --Conan O'Brien

"How many people in our studio audience got your seats tonight because you
paid off Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich?" --Jay Leno

"Illinois Governor Rod Bla-son-of-a-bitch, is that how you say his name? Is
it Bla-son-of-a-bitch? I think I'm saying that right. He was arrested for
conspiring to sell the Senate seat vacated by Barack Obama. ... Let me tell
you something. You know, you don't buy a Senate seat in this country. You
take up donations. You go out. You lie to the American people. You make
promises you are never going to keep. That's how you get to be a United
States Senator." --Jay Leno

"And I love this story. Congress wants to appoint a government car czar to
oversee the auto companies. Today, President Bush said, 'Car czar? Isn't he
the president of Afghanistan?'" --Jay Leno

"Anyway, Congress wants to appoint someone to oversee the auto industry
because they lack confidence that the car companies can solve the problem
themselves. You know, the same way the Senate Budget Committee kept us
within a budget, remember? And the way the banking committee kept the banks
from failing. And the way the Senate Energy Committee made us energy
independent. We need these kinds of oversights." --Jay Leno

"Don't you love watching congressmen lecture auto executives on how to run
their business? I mean, you got people that put us a trillion dollars in
debt lecturing people who put us a billion dollars in debt." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama said that he will not smoke cigarettes while he's in the Oval
Office. He's kind of a closet smoker. So, he said he wouldn't smoke. And
President Bush actually defended him today. President Bush said he smokes a
cigar on rare occasions. He says it helps him think. Apparently it's a very
rare occasion." --Jay Leno

"And President Bush talked about his religious believes on ABC's 'Nightline'
the other night. When the host asked Bush if he was a literalist when it
came to the bible, Bush said, no, no, he's actually a Methodist." --Jay Leno

We're not kidding about this economy, which is so bad that Illinois Governor
Rod Blagojevich had to mark down the price of a Senate seat 40%." --David
Letterman

Actually, it's getting pretty serious. President-elect Barack
Obama<http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/Barack%20Obama>has
called for Blagojevich to resign, but he refused. He refused a
directive
from the next President of the United States, to which Hillary
Clinton<http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/hillaryclinton/tp/hillary-clinton-...>said,
'So?'" --Jay Leno

And I love this idea. Congress wants to promote a car czar to oversee the
auto industry. A car czar. What democracy has a czar?" --Jay Leno

"By the way, you know who is on the program tonight? Senator John McCain.
Now he shows up. By the way, he thinks the campaign is still going on."
--David Letterman

Hey, what are you folks getting for Christmas? Well, I tell you what,
Illinois is getting a new governor." --David Letterman

Yesterday President-elect Barack Obama called on Illinois Governor
Blagojevich to resign. And after hearing this, Blagojevich said, 'If he
wants to call and talk to me, it's $4.99 a minute.'" --Conan O'Brien

"According to an article about President Bush's fitness routine that just
came out, during his Presidency, Bush has spent 2,500 hours walking on a
treadmill. Yeah. Bush said he only wanted to be on the treadmill for 45
minutes but he couldn't figure out how to turn it off." --Conan O'Brien

But not everyone's revved up about the proposed ]auto industry bailout
deal). Louisiana Senator David Vitter argued that the bailout should only
come after the auto makers present a turnaround plan [on screen: Vitter
saying the current bailout plan is like 'putting the cart before the horse,'
or just 'ass backwards']. That's Louisiana Senator David Vitter, best known
for not resigning from the Senate after admitting involvement in a
prostitution scandal. So for him, the phrase ass backwards [is] not so much
common usage, as a work order." --Jon Stewart

Prosecutors said Tuesday there is no evidence that Barack Obama was involved
in the Blagojevich scandal. Or, as Fox News reported it, 'Is Barack Obama
involved in the Blagojevich scandal?'" --Amy Poehler

"Barack Obama this week named Nobel Prize-winning physicist Steve Chu as his
energy secretary, unless he was just sneezing." --Amy Poehler

"A Senate Republican said today they want Bill
Clinton<http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/funnypictures/ig/Funny-Clinton-Pic...>to
testify at Hillary
Clinton's<http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/hillaryclinton/tp/hillary-clinton-...>secretary
of state confirmation hearings. And if he does testify, this could
be the first time he could truthfully say under oath, 'I did not have sex
with that woman.'" --Jay Leno

"Governor Arnold
Schwarzenegger<http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/images/blpic-arnoldgovernator...>says
the budget crisis in California is only getting worse. He said it is
so
bad, we may have to start selling Senate seats here." --Jay Leno

"*Time* magazine reports that Governor
Blagojevich<http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/democrats/a/blago-jokes.htm>has
an approval rating 4%. That's with a margin of error of 5%. That means
he could actually disapprove of himself." --Jay Leno

"President Bush's term is winding down, and all these articles are coming
out, very strange articles about him. According to an article that just came
out in a fitness magazine ... the president often rides a stationary bike
on-board Air Force One. That's true. Advisors say he pedals really hard
because he thinks he's powering the plane." --Conan O'Brien

As you know, yesterday in Iraq, President Bush was attacked by a
'shoe-icide' bomber. President Bush was speaking at a news conference in
Iraq when a journalist threw two shoes at
him<http://politicalhumor.about.com/b/2008/12/15/bush-attacked-by-shoes.htm>[on
screen: the video of Bush having shoes thrown at him]. You see what
President Bush did? You see what he did to keep from being hit? Something
he's never done before. Lean to the left. He's never done that." --Jay Leno

"You got to admit, whatever you think of the guy, he's got good reflexes.
Even Bill Clinton<http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/funnypictures/ig/Funny-Clinton-Pic...>was
impressed. You know, Clinton's an expert at ducking shoes, ashtrays,
lamps. Everything." --Jay Leno

Right now, they're trying to find out, they arrested the guy, trying to find
out if he's a Shoe-ni or a Shoe-ite.

I don't think Bush really has dodged anything like that, well, since the
Vietnam War." --David Letterman

You know, the shoe-throwing incident has made Sarah Palin want to be
president even more. 'Free shoes? You betcha!'" --Craig Ferguson

"Anyway, the conspiracy theories have begun. Oliver Stone is already making
a movie about the shoe-throwing incident. He thinks there was a second
shoe-thrower, because that journalist threw two shoes in four seconds.
That's impossible." --Craig Ferguson

As you know, President
Bush<http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/georgewbush/tp/george-bush-jokes.htm>took
a surprise trip to Baghdad over the weekend and had a press conference
with the Iraqi premier. A reporter threw his shoes at
him<http://politicalhumor.about.com/b/2008/12/15/bush-attacked-by-shoes.htm>,
almost hit him. And the guy who threw the shoes, this guy was so angry, he
was so anti-Bush, at first people just assumed he was an American
journalist, but no." --Jay Leno

"And it's not just President Bush, today somebody threw a pair of
shoes at Sarah
Palin<http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/sarahpalin/tp/sarah-palin-jokes.htm>.
And she was very upset. She said, 'Do you have these in black?' and threw
them back." --Jay Leno

"And this is the big news in New York. Well, all over the world, really.
It's just an amazing story. A Wall Street tycoon named Bernard Madoff has
been arrested for running a $50 billion Ponzi scheme. $50 billion. You know
what a Ponzi scheme is? That's where they use the money of new investors to
pay off the older investors. Or as we call it, Social Security." --Jay Leno

"But you know something? Shouldn't the first clue have been the guy's name?
Madoff, you know, as in 'made off with the money,' you know?

And in New Jersey, the state Senate is working on a bill to legalize medical
marijuana. They say it's the one thing that could actually ease the pain of
having to live in New Jersey, so that's good." --Jay Leno

"And a big surprise on the Sunday morning news shows. Senator John
McCain<http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/johnmccain/tp/john-mccain-jokes.htm>said
he may not support Sarah Palin if she's around in 2012. Of course, the
bigger question, will McCain be around in 2012? That's probably the bigger
question, but hey." --Jay Leno

Bushisms

You know, I'm the President during this period of time, but I think when
the history of this period is written, people will realize a lot of the
decisions that were made on Wall Street took place over a decade or so,
before I arrived in President, during I arrived in President." --George W.
Bush, ABC News interview, Dec. 1, 2008

"I've been in the Bible every day since I've been the president." --George
W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Nov. 12, 2008

"He was a great father before politics, a great father during politics and a
great father after politics." --George W. Bush, on his father, George H.W.
Bush, Washington, D.C., Nov. 12, 2008

political cartoons