political humor

Happy Presidents' Day, everybody. As you know, the banks were all closed today. I understand a few are expected to open tomorrow." --Jay Leno

"Presidents' Day, of course, the day we honor presidents Washington and Lincoln. And Saturday was, of course, Valentine's Day, the day we celebrate President Clinton." --Jay Leno

"Congress passed the biggest spending bill in US history: $787 billion. The newspapers said today not one politician in Washington has read the bill, to which President Bush said, 'See, nobody reads that stuff! Who says I have no legacy?'" --Jay Leno

After withdrawing his name for commerce secretary, Sen. Judd Gregg said he hoped he was just embarrassing himself and not President Obama, to which Joe Biden said, 'Don't worry about it. I do it all the time.'" --Jay Leno

Last week, an American satellite collided with a Russian satellite over Siberia. And Sarah Palin said she could see the collision from her house." --Jay Leno

 

"Everybody has got Fashion Week fever in New York City, where they had a big 50th anniversary tribute to Barbie. Can you believe that Barbie has been around 50 years? During that time, they have had Preppie Barbie, Wedding Barbie, and Republican Running Mate Barbie." --David Letterman

"A new poll of historians just came out. And the poll has named former President George W. Bush one of the ten worst presidents of all time. But on the bright side, Bush was selected second best president named George Bush." --Conan O'Brien

"This is weird. Yesterday, one of President Obama's top advisors said that choosing cabinet members is not like picking 'American Idol.' Yeah, mainly because the 'American Idol' contestants have paid their taxes." --Conan O'Brien