Sunday 31 May 2009

Republican Senators

Senator Tom Coburn:

In a tape recently released by Brad Carson, Coburn's Democratic opponent for the Senate race there, Coburn is heard warning the good clean citizens of Oklahoma of the great lesbian threat to their state.

On the tape, Coburn tells how a campaign worker form Coalgate, Okla., told him that lesbianism is "so rampant in some of the schools in southeast Oklahoma that they'll only let one girl go to the bathroom."

Senator James Inhofe:

Why did the UN cook up the idea of global warming? To "shut down the machine called America." In fact, we learned, global warming is a plot to destroy the US economy and to initiate one-world government–a goal not only of the UN but of the American political left more broadly. Establishing his Christian credentials, Inhofe invoked Romans 1:25 (For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever) to suggest that taking steps to ameliorate global warming would constitute a form of idol worship.

Thursday 28 May 2009

political humor

"President Barack Obama's in Los Angeles tonight for a huge fundraiser at the Beverly Hilton Hotel. Actually, one awkward moment -- as Obama was entering the Beverly Hilton, he bumped into John Edwards, who was sneaking out." --Jay Leno

"People in Beverly Hills had a lot of questions for the President about health care. They wanted to make sure that tummy tucks and Brazilian butt lifts were covered under Medicare." --Jay Leno


"I read in the -- this seems a little scary -- in the paper today, President Obama had less than a one-hour warning of North Korea's nuclear tests. Yeah. Well, that's not bad when you realize he has absolutely no warning when Joe Biden's going to go off." --Jay Leno

"Even with the recession, the price of gas continues to go up. And some economists say that's because speculators think the economy will turn around soon, and when things are good, gas prices are high. But you know, when things are bad, gas prices are high. I'm not an economist, but here's a wild thought. Maybe the oil companies are just trying to screw us." --Jay Leno

"President Barack Obama's in Las Vegas. So, if things go well at the table, General Motors just might make it." --Jimmy Fallon

On his radio show yesterday, Rush Limbaugh called supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor a 'reverse racist.' I got to hand it to Limbaugh. That guy is a reverse genius." --Jimmy Fallon

Excellent op-ed

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/28/opinion/28kristof.html?_r=1

Tuesday 26 May 2009

political humor

"There are some people who are saying that maybe Dick Cheney is setting himself up to actually run for president. You know, it makes sense. Republicans are looking for fresh blood, and Cheney just had some yesterday." --Bill Maher

"The other day George Bush gave a speech at a graduating high school class. He wondered why they didn't give him an honorary degree, but that's another story. It's interesting, he said he finds not being president liberating. Agreed." --Bill Maher

"He told the kids it's interesting the way life turns out, and now he finds himself walking the dog and picking up poop. Finally, something he can actually find. He couldn't findOsama, he couldn't find the weapons of mass destruction. If only we'd be attacked by dog s**t, we'd be OK." –Bill Maher

"Oh, poor George Bush, picking up after some unthinking creature's mess. Well, now he knows how Obama feels." --Bill Maher


"Nobody knows debt like California. We had a special election, and they rejected all the proposals Gov. Schwarzenegger suggested to save the state from going under. Very bad day for him. He said he has not been this humiliated since the '80s when he took an acting class." --Bill Maher

"We're $26 billion in the hole. I don't want to say it's bad, but today Mexico announced they're building a border fence." --Bill Maher

"There was sort of an unprecedented event this week when Obama was on television giving his version of national security, and then moments later Dick Cheney was on. It was all about Obama vs. Cheney: yes we can vs. go f**k yourself , biracial vs. bicentennial; walks with a spring, craps in a bag." --Bill Maher

"Before she left for China, reporters repeatedly questioned House Speaker Nancy Pelosiabout her claim the CIA lied to her. But Pelosi remained tight-lipped. She also remainedtight-foreheaded and tight-eyelided." --Jay Leno

"In fact, before she left, Pelosi told the press she's not going to have any further comments on this whole controversy about the CIA She says no more talking. She's not going to say another word. Why can't we get this deal for Joe Biden?" --Jay Leno

"North Korea tested a nuclear bomb today. I don't want to say this is a big deal, but it actually knocked 'Jon & Kate Plus 8' right off the front page." --Jay Leno

After a report that he called for shutting down Facebook in his country, the president of Iran, Mahmoud I'manutjob -- is that how you say his name? Ahmadinejad. He's now denying he ordered a ban on Facebook. He said, no, he did not. You know? That shows you the real power in the world is these days. Here's a guy calling for the destruction of Israel, openly supports terrorism, denied the Holocaust, and then he's accused of shutting down Facebook. 'Nuh-uh! No way, not me.'" --Jay Leno

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is in Shanghai to debate climate change with Chinese government officials. I think she'll do fine because these negotiations always come down to whoever blinks first." --Jimmy Fallon

Saturday 23 May 2009

political humor


Today, President Obama and former Vice President Dick Cheney gave speeches on torture. Now, is it me or have we seen more of Dick Cheney in the last week than we did in the past eight years? Anyway, the President spoke out against torture, while Cheney's speech was more of a how-to discussion." --Jay Leno

"Yesterday, during a speech, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said the CIA misleads us all the time. You know, unlike Congress." --Jay Leno

"Hey, did you know we had another earthquake the other night? You know, California is the only state where you don't know what is going to bounce first, the ground from the earthquake or your check from the state government." --Jay Leno

"I tell you, the economy's in bad shape. Oh, the economy's hurting; economy is so bad, Joe Biden was outside the White House, selling maps to politicians' secret locations." --Jay Leno

"Economy's so bad, I saw an illegal immigrant deport himself. That's how bad it's gotten." --Jay Leno

"Well, here is a shocking statistic. This is shocking. One in four Americans admit to texting while driving. The other three are illegal immigrants who are texting while driving." --Jay Leno

"According to a new poll, Dick Cheney's approval rating is up eight points since leaving office. Wow, I can't believe Cheney's approval rating is eight percent. That's amazing." --Jimmy Fallon

"Michelle Obama's on the cover of Time magazine this week. She says she has dinner with Barack and the kids every night, and then -- oh, it's so cute -- Joe Biden jumps up and tries to lick the plates." --Jimmy Fallon

Friday 22 May 2009

political humor

"I had the most frustrating night the other night. I watched the season finale of '24' with Nancy Pelosi. You know, she couldn't remember the first 23 hours. Didn't remember any of the torture -- none of it!" --Jay Leno

"Hey, President Obama has found a way to quickly close Guantanamo Bay. He's going to turn it into a Pontiac dealership." --Jay Leno

"And the price of gas, that keeps going up. I'll tell you how bad it is. Today, I saw Dick Cheney driving a Prius." --Jay Leno

"The economy is so bad, Bill Maher is going to church just for the free bread and wine." --Jay Leno

"And according to a Massachusetts educational official, 73 percent of the people who take the state elementary school teacher licensing test fail the math part. In my home state, Massachusetts, 73 percent of teachers taking the math test fail. That's almost half." --Jay Leno

"And according to a Rasmussen poll, when asked if English should be America's official language, 85 percent of the people said, 'Si.'" --Jay Leno

Thursday 21 May 2009

political humor

Michelle Obama went to the ballet here in New York last night. I heard she saw Hillary Clinton's favorite ballet, 'The Nutcracker.'" --Jimmy Fallon

"Hey, there was a private screening of 'Star Trek' at the White House over the weekend. And President Obama said he really liked the film. The best thing about private screenings, because we get to do them -- it's not like seeing it with the public, you know, where there might be some moron talking through the whole movie. In fact, that's why they didn't tell Joe Biden." --Jay Leno

"Hey, speaking of movies, Matt Damon has a new Jason Bourne film coming out. I guess he's a CIA agent who tells Nancy Pelosi about waterboarding. Yeah, but see, in this one, she's the one that gets amnesia. That's the twist." --Jay Leno

"I love this, the Federal government now bailing out insurance companies. Billions of our dollars are going to some of the nation's top insurance companies to keep them from collapsing. Wow, too bad they didn't have insurance!" --Jay Leno

"The economy is bad. Dick Cheney was hanging people by their ankles just to catch the change that fell out of their pockets. That's how bad." --Jay Leno

"Well, last week, the FDA scolded General Mills for claiming that Cheerios lowers your cholesterol by 10%. Well, they're not stopping there. Today, under pressure, Captain Crunch admitted he lied about his military record." --Jay Leno

Tuesday 19 May 2009

political humor

"The former Vice President Dick Cheney is in town, ladies and gentlemen, in New York City. He's here to see all of his favorite shows: 'Phantom', 'Wicked', 'Stomp.'" --David Letterman

"Here's something that I am very excited about. Joe Biden, the current vice president, was yakking away over the weekend. And he -- remember when Dick Cheney was in an undisclosed location and everybody thought: Where? So supposedly top secret information, classified information. And Joe Biden just says, 'No, I know where he was. He was hiding under his house. Joe Biden is living proof that people can give up sensitive information without being tortured.'" --David Letterman


This is part of our new plan. It's called 'Don't Ask, We'll Tell.'" --Jay Leno

Los Angeles will start a water rationing in June, which means Dick Cheney will only be allowed to waterboard guys two days a week now." --Jay Leno

And a Chicago company is now marketing hair products inspired by that idiot Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. This is real. This is the new product right here. It's called Head & Swindler. Can you read the back? It says, 'lather, rinse, impeach.' It's all right here." --Jay Leno

"Nancy Pelosi now saying the CIA misled her. Misled. Doesn't that sound like the name of some beauty contestant in China? 'Please welcome Mis Led, ladies and gentlemen.' 

"No, actually, Nancy Pelosi said she heard stories of inmates being injected with a deadly toxin that paralyzes the nerves in your face. No, that's her Botox. I'm sorry. You know, I'm so confused." --Jay Leno

"General Motors announced they're closing over a thousand dealerships. A lot of people are blaming GM's new CEO, some guy named Barack Obama." --Jay Leno

"Well, as you know, President Obama spoke at a couple colleges this week. He told the graduates at Arizona State they should not lead their lives like Bernard Madoff. Well, sure, if you're going to steal money and stay out of jail, become an executive at AIG That's how you do it." --Jay Leno

"And at his commencement speech at Notre Dame, President Obama said we should be doing everything we can to prevent unplanned pregnancies, to which John Edwards said, 'Tell me about it.'" --Jay Leno

"Well, this is surprising. A new survey shows that the happiest Americans are elderly, male, and Republican. In other words, Republican." --Jimmy Fallon

cartoon

http://artofsatire.economist.com/cover-1-zoom.php

Conservatism is devoid of intellect

Richard Posner, Prof. at Univ of Chicago, ex-conservative Supremem Court Judge, appointed by reagan to the courts, says conservatism is now devoid of intellect

http://crookedtimber.org/2009/05/12/richard-posner-on-the-conservative-intellectual-collapse/

Krugman's comment on that

Monday 18 May 2009

Political Humor

And a New York City auction house is having something unusual. It's selling a large variety of torture devices dating from the 16th century. A bunch of torture devices. Said the whole thing looks like a Dick Cheney garage sale." --Jay Leno

"At the White House the other night, President Obama and First Lady Michelle hosted a night of poetry and music, featuring musicians, authors and poets. So maybe that's a sign the economy is starting to turn around, huh? When poets start working again? When poets get a job? That's a good sign." --Jay Leno

"And yesterday at the White House, First Lady Michelle Obama said that the White House is a place where people should feel free to speak their mind. Except, of course, Joe Biden.'" --Jay Leno

"Dick Cheney went to see the Tom Hanks film 'Angels and Demons,' and through the whole movie he's screaming, 'Go Demons! Go Demons.'" --David Letterman

"Dick Cheney says that Rush Limbaugh is more of a Republican than Colin Powell. And I think, well, yeah, about 300 pounds more.'" --David Letterman

"This Sunday, President Obama is receiving an honorary degree from the University of Notre Dame. Or as Obama calls it, safety school." --Jimmy Fallon

"This is a big controversy, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said the CIA lied to her in 2003. Yeah, apparently, they sent her a document saying that her makeup looked subtle. They lied to her." --Jimmy Fallon

Last Supper

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/latestnews/stories/051909dnmetcheesus.1564ea4d.html

Friday 15 May 2009

political cartoons



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Kedar Desai
+44 (0) 789 420 1415

political humor

"Last night, President Obama hosted a poetry slam at the White House. A poetry slam is when poets stand up and read poems. They try and outdo each other. And things can get out of control. Apparently, last night, one person got up on stage and rambled on and on and didn't make any sense. And then, when Joe Biden was done, they started the poetry." --Craig Ferguson

"It's groundbreaking to have a poetry slam. It's never happened before. I think Dick Cheney once held a torture slam. 'There was a young man from Nantucket. I put his head in a bucket.'" --Craig Ferguson

"What a good crowd, boy! It's obvious you folks don't have money in the stock market. Oh, a horrible day today. Man, stocks were falling like Miss California's top." --Jay Leno

"Saudi Arabia held its first beauty pageant over the weekend. And already they're embroiled in their own scandal. Seems topless photos of the newly crowned Miss Saudi Arabia surfaced today. You could see her entire forehead." --Jay Leno

"Governor Schwarzenegger says he is trying to get marijuana legalized here in the California. He wants to legalize it. Yeah. Yeah. I believe his campaign slogan is 'Change We Can Breathe In.'" --Jay Leno

"I'll tell you how bad the economy is — today I saw a Republican driving a Prius." --Jay Leno

"Yesterday, the New York State Assembly overwhelmingly passed a bill approving same-sex marriage. And now the bill goes to the State Senate, where it will likely face a closer vote. In other words, the bill could go both ways." --Jimmy Fallon

Sarah Palin has got a deal to write her memoir. Got a deal to write her memoir, yup. I believe it's titled, 'The Book to Nowhere.'" --David Letterman 

Thursday 14 May 2009

Re: Nice headline



On Thu, May 14, 2009 at 11:10 AM, Anoop Bhat <noopster@gmail.com> wrote:
I thought they meant Osama.

On Thu, May 14, 2009 at 5:42 PM, Kedar Desai <kedar.desai@gmail.com> wrote:
http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSTRE5444XQ20090505

Now there will be no more deaths in Afghanistan

--~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~
http://groups.google.com/group/polhmr
-~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---





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Kedar Desai
+44 (0) 789 420 1415

Nice headline

http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSTRE5444XQ20090505

Now there will be no more deaths in Afghanistan

Wednesday 13 May 2009

political humor

You all have a happy Mother's Day? I thought this was nice. John Edwards told his wife, 'Of all the women I have children with, I'm going to spend today with you.'" --Jay Leno

"And California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger wants to legalize marijuana. Good slogan he has — 'Yes, we cannabis.'" --Jay Leno

"And the National Institute of Health is paying researchers $400,000 to cruise bars in Argentina to try and figure out why gay men engage in risky sexual behavior while drunk. You know, I got a better idea. How about finding out why politicians like John Edwards engage in risky sexual behavior while sober?" --Jay Leno


Tuesday 12 May 2009

Re: Hilarious - conservapedia

Some extracts

Kedar Desai
These are actual definitions from conservapedia: 

"A liberal is someone who rejects logical and biblical standards, often for self-centered reasons. There are no coherent liberal standards; often a liberal is merely someone who craves attention, and who uses many words to say nothing."
Kedar Desai
 Kedar Desai
even funnier:

Vic Eliason of Crosstalk America rightly points out that if all Americans turned homosexual it would only take a few generations for the United States to lose most of the population of the country through lack of procreation. This would make the US more vulnerable to attack by our enemies.
Kedar Desai
 Kedar Desai
Wikipedia is an online encyclopedia founded by entrepreneur and atheist Jimmy Wales and philosophy professor Larry Sanger...Despite its official "neutrality policy", Wikipedia has a strong liberal bias. In his article entitled 'Wikipedia lies, slander continue' journalist Joseph Farah stated Wikipedia 'is not only a provider of inaccuracy and bias. It is wholesale purveyor of lies and slander unlike any other the world has ever known
Kedar Desai
 Kedar Desai
LOL Adolf Hitler consciously sought to make the practices of Germany conform to the theory of evolution




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Kedar Desai
+44 (0) 789 420 1415

Hilarious - conservapedia

http://www.cracked.com/article_17341_5-terrifying-bastardizations-wikipedia-model.html

political humor

"You did hear about John Edwards, didn't you? Yes, Elizabeth Edwards was on 'Oprah' this week to let the world know the pain of being married to that lying, cheating son-of-a-bitch, John Edwards. She said for years, she believed his vision of two Americas, until she found out he was getting laid in one of them." --Bill Maher

"She told Oprah, he's a really good man who did a very bad thing. But if you take that one thing out of it, we had a perfect marriage. It sounds to me like she's trying to get America to forgive John, because Lord knows she ain't!" --Bill Maher

"Elizabeth Edwards attacked her husband's mistress. Somehow, John Edwards convinced his wife it was the mistress' fault, and she seduced him. Guys, let me tell you something: don't try this with your wife, okay? John Edwards is a politician and a trial lawyer. That means he is a professional liar. He knows how to do this. You cannot get away with this. It will not work for you." --Jay Leno

"John Edwards said yesterday he feels that he and his wife are getting to a better place. Yeah. Actually, she is getting to a better place. He is looking for a smaller place. Two-bedroom, furnished, off-street parking, nothing fancy." --Jay Leno

"This week at the White House, during the Cinco de Mayo celebration, President Obama honored the Mexican people by speaking Spanish. And then Vice President Joe Biden honored the Mexican people by not speaking at all." --Jay Leno

"In California, Arnold Schwarzenegger is calling for the legalization of marijuana. Yes. He is calling his program 'Weed the People.'" --Jay Leno

"The crown at the top of the Statue of Liberty will reopen on the Fourth of July for the first time since 9/11. Isn't that cool? Visitors will now be able to touch Air Force One as it flies right past them." --Jimmy Fallon

Monday 11 May 2009

RE: Funny - Wanda sykes at White House Correspondent's Dinner



---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: parul miglani <pmiglani06@gmail.com>

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmyRog2w4DI

This is funny as well!

On Sun, May 10, 2009 at 5:25 PM, Kedar Desai <kedar.desai@gmail.com> wrote:




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Kedar Desai
+44 (0) 789 420 1415

Sunday 10 May 2009

Re: men can slap their spendthrift wives

Somebody needs to tell these guys that if their wives don't spend, economy will not recover and oil prices will remain subdued.


On Mon, May 11, 2009 at 12:25 AM, Kedar Desai <kedar.desai@gmail.com> wrote:

where else? Only in Saudi Arabia

Husbands are allowed to slap their wives if they spend lavishly, a Saudi judge said recently during a seminar on domestic violence, Saudi media reported Sunday.

It is OK to slap Saudi women who spend too much, a judge has told an audience.

It is OK to slap Saudi women who spend too much, a judge has told an audience.

Arab News, a Saudi English-language daily newspaper based in Riyadh, reported that Judge Hamad Al-Razine said that "if a person gives SR 1,200 [$320] to his wife and she spends 900 riyals [$240] to purchase an abaya [the black cover that women in Saudi Arabia must wear] from a brand shop and if her husband slaps her on the face as a reaction to her action, she deserves that punishment."

Women in the audience immediately and loudly protested Al-Razine's statement, and were shocked to learn the remarks came from a judge, the newspaper reported.

Arab News reported that Al-Razine made his remark as he was attempting to explain why incidents of domestic violence had increased inSaudi Arabia. He said that women and men shared responsibility, but added that "nobody puts even a fraction of blame" on women, the newspaper said.

Al-Razine "also pointed out that women's indecent behavior and use of offensive words against their husbands were some of the reasons for domestic violence in the country," it added.

Domestic violence, which used to be a taboo subject in the conservative kingdom, has become a hot topic in recent years. Groups like the National Family Safety Program have campaigned to educate the public about the problem and help prevent domestic abuse.

Saudi women's rights activist Wajeha Al-Huwaider told CNN that Saudi women routinely face such attitudes.

"This is how men in Saudi Arabia see women," she said in a telephone interview from the Saudi city of Dahran. "It's not something they read in a book or learned from a friend. They've been raised to see women this way, that they're less than a person."

Al-Huwaider added that "I'm not surprised to see a judge or a religious man saying that - they've been raised in the same culture - a culture that tells them it's ok to raise your hand to a woman that this works."

Another Saudi judge, in the city of Onaiza, was the source of a separate recent controversy: he twice denied a request from the mother of an 8-year-old girl that the girl be granted a divorce from her 47-year-old husband.

Last month, after human-groups condemned the union, the girl was granted the divorce.



--
Harshad



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Kedar Desai
+44 (0) 789 420 1415



--
Kedar Desai
+44 (0) 789 420 1415

men can slap their spendthrift wives


where else? Only in Saudi Arabia

Husbands are allowed to slap their wives if they spend lavishly, a Saudi judge said recently during a seminar on domestic violence, Saudi media reported Sunday.

It is OK to slap Saudi women who spend too much, a judge has told an audience.

It is OK to slap Saudi women who spend too much, a judge has told an audience.

Arab News, a Saudi English-language daily newspaper based in Riyadh, reported that Judge Hamad Al-Razine said that "if a person gives SR 1,200 [$320] to his wife and she spends 900 riyals [$240] to purchase an abaya [the black cover that women in Saudi Arabia must wear] from a brand shop and if her husband slaps her on the face as a reaction to her action, she deserves that punishment."

Women in the audience immediately and loudly protested Al-Razine's statement, and were shocked to learn the remarks came from a judge, the newspaper reported.

Arab News reported that Al-Razine made his remark as he was attempting to explain why incidents of domestic violence had increased inSaudi Arabia. He said that women and men shared responsibility, but added that "nobody puts even a fraction of blame" on women, the newspaper said.

Al-Razine "also pointed out that women's indecent behavior and use of offensive words against their husbands were some of the reasons for domestic violence in the country," it added.

Domestic violence, which used to be a taboo subject in the conservative kingdom, has become a hot topic in recent years. Groups like the National Family Safety Program have campaigned to educate the public about the problem and help prevent domestic abuse.

Saudi women's rights activist Wajeha Al-Huwaider told CNN that Saudi women routinely face such attitudes.

"This is how men in Saudi Arabia see women," she said in a telephone interview from the Saudi city of Dahran. "It's not something they read in a book or learned from a friend. They've been raised to see women this way, that they're less than a person."

Al-Huwaider added that "I'm not surprised to see a judge or a religious man saying that - they've been raised in the same culture - a culture that tells them it's ok to raise your hand to a woman that this works."

Another Saudi judge, in the city of Onaiza, was the source of a separate recent controversy: he twice denied a request from the mother of an 8-year-old girl that the girl be granted a divorce from her 47-year-old husband.

Last month, after human-groups condemned the union, the girl was granted the divorce.



--
Harshad



--
Kedar Desai
+44 (0) 789 420 1415

Funny - Obama at White House Correspondent's Dinner

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0GwZFAV1Lw

Saturday 9 May 2009

Fareed Zakaria on Pakistan on the Daily Show

http://www.indecisionforever.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=226586

At Bank of America

Apparently, personnel accidentally added the new salary to the old salary, instead of replacing the old salary with the new one. For example, an Associate saw his base go from $95k to $205k (instead of the $110k it was supposed to); a VP saw his base go from $150k to $350k (instead of the $200k it was supposed to). After ~2hrs of jubilation, bankers got a note from Personnel apologizing for the error, and folks resumed not working.

Friday 8 May 2009

Political Humor

Man, it was hot today. I was sweating like John Edwards waiting to watch his wife on 'Oprah.'" --Jay Leno

"Well, tomorrow, John Edwards' wife, Elizabeth Edwards, a great woman, is going to be on 'Oprah.' How many of you are going to watch that? How many of would you rather see her beat the crap out of her husband on 'Jerry Springer?'" --Jay Leno

"They taped the show earlier in the week and they've been showing little snippets of it. And when Oprah asks about their marriage, Elizabeth says, 'Neither one of us is out the door.' But believe me. One of them is on the couch." --Jay Leno

"John Edwards did not come off good in this thing. In fact, I understand he's now looking for a third America to hide out in." --Jay Leno


"Actually, The New York Daily News is reporting that John Edwards' mistress is mad about all this publicity, and she is now demanding a paternity test. Well, good luck getting John Edwards to give up a strand of hair. Never happen." --Jay Leno

"President Obama announced today plans to either trim or eliminate 121 programs. The programs he wants to eliminate -- Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly." --Jay Leno

Here is something that's causing a huge controversy here in California. Our governor,Arnold Schwarzenegger, says it's time to start the debate on legalizing marijuana. Of course, people in Los Angeles are split on this. Half want it legalized, the other half think it's already legal." --Jay Leno

"In Tennessee, lawmakers are planning to build a statue of Al Gore on the grounds of the state capitol. They say that the new statue will look just like Al Gore, except a little more lifelike." --Jimmy Fallon

Gotta appreciate the effort






Prediction comes true !!!!!!

 

 

100 years ago, they said that when a black man became president, pigs would fly.

and on the 100th day of Obama's presidency...


Swine Flew 






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Kedar Desai
+44 (0) 789 420 1415

Thursday 7 May 2009

political humor

"President Obama spoke on the phone this weekend for 20 minutes with Mexican President Calderon on how to cooperate on fighting this swine flu thing. Afterwards, he said the people of America and Mexico have found common ground. I believe it's called Los Angeles." --Jay Leno

And health officials have confirmed the first case of the virus being transmitted from a person to a pig. A farmer has transmitted the virus back to a pig. Scientists say they have not been able to come up with a good explanation on how this happened and neither has the farmer." --Jay Leno

"The White House announced today that Vice President Joe Biden has laryngitis. Yeah. They said that he has a rare strain they hope lasts until 2012." --Jay Leno

And Obama, so far, nobody can lay a glove on this guy because he's working so hard and doing a great job. But recently, he accidentally referred to Cinco de Mayo as Cinco de Cuatro. He apologized and said he only knows about 15 words of Spanish. Big deal.George W. Bush only knew about 15 words of English." --David Letterman

"President Obama may choose a Supreme Court nominee by the end of the week. That's fast. Nothing against the President, but doesn't it worry you that it took him 10 times longer to decide on a dog?" --Craig Ferguson

"Are you aware of the fact that President Obama's mother-in-law is living in the White House? And the woman has really taken to it. She says she loves living in the White House. But there was some trouble today when she took Air Force One on another flight over New York." --David Letterman

"In fact, just a day after saying he wouldn't go anywhere in confined places like an aircraft or a subway because of the swine flu, Vice President Biden rode a train from Washington to Delaware. You know what that means? Not even Joe Biden listens to Joe Biden." --Jay Leno

"The number two movie in the country is the romantic comedy, 'The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past,' or as John Edwards calls it, 'a horror film.'" --Jay Leno


Wednesday 6 May 2009

Quote


 Quote of the Day: "This is like getting interview lessons from Sarah Palin." --Obama campaign manager David Plouffeto Karl Rove after he said that Obama was failing to fulfill his bipartisan promise in Congress and in the polls 

Tuesday 5 May 2009

political humor

"Well, here's the latest. The White House says, as of now, it is not contained. It could continue to get worse. And they were just talking about Joe Biden." --Jay Leno

"As you know, Vice President Biden got in a little bit of trouble yesterday when he suggested that people should avoid commercial flights and subways if they want to stay healthy. Yeah. Today, President Obama recommended that Biden avoid microphones and TV cameras for the very same reason." --Jay Leno

"Well, there are now cases of swine flu in the United States, Canada and Mexico. So, see that? NAFTA does work." --Jay Leno

"I think a lot of people are really overreacting to this whole swine flu thing. Don't you? Come on. Like today at Disney World, they quarantined Sneezy. There was no cause for that." --Jay Leno

"Cheney, he overreacted, too. Today, he waterboarded a pig. There's no reason for that. No reason." --Jay Leno


A vacancy on the Supreme Court. This is something we haven't seen in awhile. Let's just hope the president is better at picking a justice than the justices were at picking a president." --Jay Leno

"President Obama said this week he is worried that the country is losing its love of learning. You may have heard him say this. He said we need to show as much attention to science award winners as we do basketball players. Now, didn't he just install a basketball court in the White House? I guess the West Wing science lab is next on the list." --Jay Leno

"Finally, some good economic news. They're hiring at the Supreme Court. - Bill maher

"The Republicans say that Obama's pick for a replacement is completely unacceptable, and they will let us know why as soon as they find out who it is." --Bill Maher 

Monday 4 May 2009

2003 quote

"The total debt of America is $31 trillion. That is three times the GNP of the U.S. That is unprecedented in a major nation. No nation has ever had such a big debt as America has, and it's bigger than it was at the peak of the stock market boom. Think of the dangers involved. Almost everyone has a home mortgage, and some are 89 percent of the value of the home. By 2007, many would be over 100 percent. If home prices start down, there will be bankruptcies, and in bankruptcy, houses are sold at lower prices, pushing home prices down further" - Sir John Templeton, Interview with Robert J. Flaherty - "Equities" Magazine - July 2003.

Sunday 3 May 2009

Saturday 2 May 2009

Political Humor

"During his speech to the nation last night, Obama told the American people they should cover their mouths when they cough to prevent the spread of swine flu. And today, he toldJoe Biden to cover his mouth whenever he talks." --Jay Leno

"Oh, man, Biden did it again. God may have taken away Bush, but by golly, he gave us Joe Biden. You see this today? Joe Biden was on the 'Today' show, and he said he would tell his family members not to take any commercial flights and don't ride in any subway cars because of this swine flu. You know, I don't think Joe Biden 's going to catch swine flu, but it's pretty obvious he has a case of foot-in-mouth disease." --Jay Leno

"You know who's really worried about this swine flu? Kevin Bacon." --Jay Leno

"Actually, you don't want to panic, because the CDC says it's all about prevention. For example, they're now telling people if you do put lipstick on a pig, do not use that same lipstick on yourself." --Jay Leno

"According to one of the news services, U.S. pork producers are now lobbying the United States government to change the name of this swine flu because they say it's bad for business. And, you know, actually, they're right. You cannot catch swine flu from eating pork. Oh, sure, you can get heart disease, obesity and high blood pressure, but not the swine flu." --Jay Leno

"Arlen Specter has been a Republican for a long time, so it has got to be tough, don't you think? I mean, for years you're lying out of the right side of your mouth, and now suddenly you've got to start lying out the left side of your mouth." --Jay Leno

Vice President Joe Biden got himself in a little bit of hot water because earlier on the 'Today' show, he's shooting his mouth off. He's saying that the subways in New York City are not safe because of swine flu. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Joe, listen to this -- the subways weren't safe before swine flu." --David Letterman

"I guess in the world of politics that's very exciting, Specter switching from the Republican Party to the Democrats. But what would be really cool for me is if I could just get my mom to switch from Leno." --David Letterman

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