Political Humor

Man, it was hot today. I was sweating like John Edwards waiting to watch his wife on 'Oprah.'" --Jay Leno

"Well, tomorrow, John Edwards' wife, Elizabeth Edwards, a great woman, is going to be on 'Oprah.' How many of you are going to watch that? How many of would you rather see her beat the crap out of her husband on 'Jerry Springer?'" --Jay Leno

"They taped the show earlier in the week and they've been showing little snippets of it. And when Oprah asks about their marriage, Elizabeth says, 'Neither one of us is out the door.' But believe me. One of them is on the couch." --Jay Leno

"John Edwards did not come off good in this thing. In fact, I understand he's now looking for a third America to hide out in." --Jay Leno

"Actually, The New York Daily News is reporting that John Edwards' mistress is mad about all this publicity, and she is now demanding a paternity test. Well, good luck getting John Edwards to give up a strand of hair. Never happen." --Jay Leno

"President Obama announced today plans to either trim or eliminate 121 programs. The programs he wants to eliminate -- Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly." --Jay Leno

Here is something that's causing a huge controversy here in California. Our governor,Arnold Schwarzenegger, says it's time to start the debate on legalizing marijuana. Of course, people in Los Angeles are split on this. Half want it legalized, the other half think it's already legal." --Jay Leno

"In Tennessee, lawmakers are planning to build a statue of Al Gore on the grounds of the state capitol. They say that the new statue will look just like Al Gore, except a little more lifelike." --Jimmy Fallon