political humor

"Last night, President Obama hosted a poetry slam at the White House. A poetry slam is when poets stand up and read poems. They try and outdo each other. And things can get out of control. Apparently, last night, one person got up on stage and rambled on and on and didn't make any sense. And then, when Joe Biden was done, they started the poetry." --Craig Ferguson

"It's groundbreaking to have a poetry slam. It's never happened before. I think Dick Cheney once held a torture slam. 'There was a young man from Nantucket. I put his head in a bucket.'" --Craig Ferguson

"What a good crowd, boy! It's obvious you folks don't have money in the stock market. Oh, a horrible day today. Man, stocks were falling like Miss California's top." --Jay Leno

"Saudi Arabia held its first beauty pageant over the weekend. And already they're embroiled in their own scandal. Seems topless photos of the newly crowned Miss Saudi Arabia surfaced today. You could see her entire forehead." --Jay Leno

"Governor Schwarzenegger says he is trying to get marijuana legalized here in the California. He wants to legalize it. Yeah. Yeah. I believe his campaign slogan is 'Change We Can Breathe In.'" --Jay Leno

"I'll tell you how bad the economy is — today I saw a Republican driving a Prius." --Jay Leno

"Yesterday, the New York State Assembly overwhelmingly passed a bill approving same-sex marriage. And now the bill goes to the State Senate, where it will likely face a closer vote. In other words, the bill could go both ways." --Jimmy Fallon

Sarah Palin has got a deal to write her memoir. Got a deal to write her memoir, yup. I believe it's titled, 'The Book to Nowhere.'" --David Letterman