political humor

Michelle Obama went to the ballet here in New York last night. I heard she saw Hillary Clinton's favorite ballet, 'The Nutcracker.'" --Jimmy Fallon

"Hey, there was a private screening of 'Star Trek' at the White House over the weekend. And President Obama said he really liked the film. The best thing about private screenings, because we get to do them -- it's not like seeing it with the public, you know, where there might be some moron talking through the whole movie. In fact, that's why they didn't tell Joe Biden." --Jay Leno

"Hey, speaking of movies, Matt Damon has a new Jason Bourne film coming out. I guess he's a CIA agent who tells Nancy Pelosi about waterboarding. Yeah, but see, in this one, she's the one that gets amnesia. That's the twist." --Jay Leno

"I love this, the Federal government now bailing out insurance companies. Billions of our dollars are going to some of the nation's top insurance companies to keep them from collapsing. Wow, too bad they didn't have insurance!" --Jay Leno

"The economy is bad. Dick Cheney was hanging people by their ankles just to catch the change that fell out of their pockets. That's how bad." --Jay Leno

"Well, last week, the FDA scolded General Mills for claiming that Cheerios lowers your cholesterol by 10%. Well, they're not stopping there. Today, under pressure, Captain Crunch admitted he lied about his military record." --Jay Leno