political humor

"You did hear about John Edwards, didn't you? Yes, Elizabeth Edwards was on 'Oprah' this week to let the world know the pain of being married to that lying, cheating son-of-a-bitch, John Edwards. She said for years, she believed his vision of two Americas, until she found out he was getting laid in one of them." --Bill Maher

"She told Oprah, he's a really good man who did a very bad thing. But if you take that one thing out of it, we had a perfect marriage. It sounds to me like she's trying to get America to forgive John, because Lord knows she ain't!" --Bill Maher

"Elizabeth Edwards attacked her husband's mistress. Somehow, John Edwards convinced his wife it was the mistress' fault, and she seduced him. Guys, let me tell you something: don't try this with your wife, okay? John Edwards is a politician and a trial lawyer. That means he is a professional liar. He knows how to do this. You cannot get away with this. It will not work for you." --Jay Leno

"John Edwards said yesterday he feels that he and his wife are getting to a better place. Yeah. Actually, she is getting to a better place. He is looking for a smaller place. Two-bedroom, furnished, off-street parking, nothing fancy." --Jay Leno

"This week at the White House, during the Cinco de Mayo celebration, President Obama honored the Mexican people by speaking Spanish. And then Vice President Joe Biden honored the Mexican people by not speaking at all." --Jay Leno

"In California, Arnold Schwarzenegger is calling for the legalization of marijuana. Yes. He is calling his program 'Weed the People.'" --Jay Leno

"The crown at the top of the Statue of Liberty will reopen on the Fourth of July for the first time since 9/11. Isn't that cool? Visitors will now be able to touch Air Force One as it flies right past them." --Jimmy Fallon