Political Satire

Thursday, 19 March 2009

political humor

A very happy St. Patrick's Day, everybody. Of course, St. Patrick's day is a little different this year. Nobody's got any green left." --Jay Leno

"Hey, a little quiz for you. What is the difference between an AIG executive and a drunken Irishman? A drunken Irishman spends his own money." --Jay Leno

"In fact, President Obama's so upset that he changed his slogan from, 'Yes we can' to 'oh no you don't!'" --Jay Leno

"The Republicans are on board in this, too. Iowa Senator Charles Grassley told AIG executives -- this is what he actually said -- he said they should either quit or commit suicide. But I think that's plain wrong. I mean, why give them the option of quitting?" --Jay Leno

"I like Grassley's idea, but here's my question: where was Congress when everything was falling apart, you know? They're supposed to be looking out for us. Here's a better idea. How about AIG and Congress making a giant suicide pact?" --Jay Leno

Oh, I love this story. You know Bernard Madoff? Well, lawyers now say they plan to argue that his wife, Ruth, is entitled to keep as much as $69 million in assets. Yeah, please. Even AIG guys are going 'Shut up!'" --Jay Leno

"New research out of the University of Virginia says that our mental abilities begin to decline around the age of 27. In fact, by the age of 50, many of us are thinking at aPresident Bush level." --Jay Leno

"Oh, a little health scare for former Vice President Dick Cheney's wife, Lynne Cheney. She was hospitalized briefly after fainting at home. She's apparently okay. But here's kind of a funny thing that happened. The paramedics arrived, and out of habit they started giving C.P.R. to Dick." --David Letterman

Wednesday, 18 March 2009

CDS joke

Gary Ackerman On Credit Default Swaps

Posted by Bess Levin, Mar 18, 2009, 11:44am

"There are two guys out on a life raft and they drift out to sea. They're surrounded by sharks, there's a huge tidal wave, and one guy says he's scared, and the other guy sells him a policy. That's a credit default swap. Stop laughing, it's not funny. We're crying."

political humor

You all ready for March madness? But enough about A.I.G.'s big bonuses." --Jay Leno

"In fact, you know what A.I.G. stands for? Anybody know? Adventures In Greed." --Jay Leno

Boy, you thought St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland. Let's send him down to Wall Street. That's what we should do." --Jay Leno

"Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner was called before Congress again. Geithner defended himself against criticism, saying he inherited this crisis. In fact, he said when the economy started this downturn he was busy in the private sector cheating on his taxes. He didn't have time." --Jay Leno

"And some sad news. Bristol Palin, Sarah Palin's daughter, has broken up with babydaddyLevi Johnston. I was stunned when I heard. I mean, really, if two kids without a decent education and no jobs and a baby can't make it, what hope is there for the rest of us?" --Jay Leno

"No, Levi told a friend, 'I should have spent more time picking a mate,' which is the same thing John McCain said about Sarah Palin." --Jay Leno

"The U.S. Justice department said they will no longer use the term "enemy combatant" when talking about detainees at Guantanamo Bay. The new name will be 'guys who make you nervous when they're on your flight.' --Jay Leno

Tuesday, 10 March 2009

political cartoons

Political humor

The Iranian government this week has demanded an apology from Hollywood saying the movies 300 and The Wrestler were insulting to Iranians. Well how about this, Iran: You apologize for the hostage crisis, pursuing nuclear weapons, high gas prices, financing Hamas, denying the Holocaust and setting fire to the Danish embassy because of a couple cartoons, and then you'll get an apology for The Wrestler." -- Seth Meyers

"The stock market apparently, cannot find a bottom. ... Auditors say we're probably going to lose General Motors, which is terrible news for the guy who was going to buy one of their cars." -- Bill Maher

"What I find so amusing about all of this is that Obama's been in office 45 days roughly, and the public is blaming this all on him. It's the Obama Recession, which is kind of true, because if McCain had won, Sarah Palin would still be buying clothes." -- Bill Maher

"No wonder Obama has gray hair. That was the big story in the paper yesterday, Obama has gray hair. Wow, now his hair isn't black enough." -- Bill Maher

"I have some exciting news, the Obama family is finally getting their dog! Yeah, they say they're getting a Portuguese Water Dog. And today, Rush Limbaugh said he hopes the dog fails!" -- Jay Leno

"Hey, we wanna wish former First Lady Barbara Bush well. She's recovering in the hospital after heart surgery, while the rest of us are caught recovering from her son's presidency." -- Jay Leno

"It was on this day in 1923 that the first old-age pensions in America were created. It was based on the idea that as you work, you put a little money in investments so you'd have some saved up for when you retire. How dumb were those people? Could you imagine falling for that today?" -- Jay Leno

The economy is so bad O.J. had to shut down the DNA lab he was using to find the real killers. That's how bad." -- Jay Leno

"This weekend is Daylight Savings Time. ... You're going to lose an hour of sleep, and then I thought but what the hell, you've pretty much lost everything else. But not everyone sets their clocks ahead. Not everyone. No, no, no, no, no. On Wall Street, they've already set their clocks back to 1929." -- David Letterman

"So we lose an hour of sleep. You know that used to bother people, but after losing your house, your car, your 401(k), that's nothing. An hour of sleep? That's nothing." -- Jay Leno

Monday, 9 March 2009

Top news bloopers

The last one is hilarious

http://politicalhumor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/03/04/the-15-best-news-bloopers_n_171905.html

Michael Steele on Rush Limbaugh

"Rush Limbaugh is an entertainer. His whole thing is entertainment. Yes, it's incendiary. Yes, it's ugly." --RNC Chairman Michael Steele

"I have enormous respect for Rush Limbaugh. I was maybe a little bit inarticulate. There was no attempt on my part to diminish his voice or his leadership." --Steele, two days later

"I realized words that I said weren't what I was thinking. It was one of those things where I thinking I was saying one thing, and it came out differently." --Steele, in a further clarification