political humor

"Before we begin, I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any e-mails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it." --Jay Leno

I'll give you an idea of how bad the economy is, I wrote a five-dollar check over the weekend, the check was good, the bank bounced. I'll give you an idea how bad the dollar is, I went to buy gold, they said, 'oh, we can only buy it with gold.' That's how bad it is. In fact, the guy in the Rolls-Royce with the Grey Poupon had to switch to French's mustard." --Jay Leno

"Senator John McCain is in favor of the bailout. He loves bailouts: he bailed out on me." --David Letterman

"President Bush now says that the taxpayers could actually make a profit on this deal. Well, that's good enough for me, let's go, come on. And, if you believe that, I have Yankees and Mets World Series tickets." --David Letterman

"A lot of Republicans are worried about how Sarah Palin's gonna do in the vice-presidential debate this Thursday. See you know what she should do if she was smart? Let Joe Biden have the first question, he'll take 90 minutes to answer, oh, we're out of time! Who could have seen that coming?" --Jay Leno

"Hugh Hefner has asked Sarah Palin to pose naked for Playboy. Because right know, you know, she's busy posing as a vice-presidential candidate." --Jay Leno

"Actually, think about that, if she did do it, she could be the first Playmate on a bear-skin rug she shot herself. Think about it." --Jay Leno

"Al Gore spoke at Bill Clinton's forum on global warming last week. I don't want to say Al's put on a few pounds, but I understand Bill hit on him." --Jay Leno

Now today, I don't want to alarm you, when the stock market closed, it was down 777 points, which is the biggest point drop in American history. As a result, President Bush was able to cross off the tenth and final item on his administrations bucket list." --Conan O'Brien

"Of course, the first presidential debate was held on Friday. Many observers are split on who won. Some say Barack Obama won by showing he could hold his own. Others say that John McCain won by showing he could hold his bladder." --Conan O'Brien

"Critics are still analyzing Sarah Palin's interview with Katie Couric last week, and they're saying she was halting, repetitive and stumped on basic questions. Yeah, in other words, Palin appeared very presidential." --Conan O'Brien

"Hugh Hefner is entering the fray. Hugh Hefner has asked Sarah Palin to pose nude for Playboy magazine. Yeah, and Palin said she'd agree to pose for Playboy as long as there's no interview." --Conan O'Brien





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