political humor

"Thank you very much. Welcome to the 'Late Show', ladies and gentlemen. Now, when I call your name, please come forward and pick up your apology." --David Letterman

"I want to get through this as quickly as possible so you folks can get to the 'Fire Dave' rally." --David Letterman

"It's nice that people hate me who are no longer just part of my immediate family." --David Letterman

"My son, you know, he's telling everybody at school that his father is Conan." --David Letterman

 

"Senator John McCain announced today that he bought a hybrid car. Apparently, McCain thinks a hybrid car is one that has AM and FM radio." --Conan O'Brien

President Barack Obama has been on TV more than Regis lately. He was all over NBC the week before last. Next week, he's doing a two-hour, primetime town hall here on ABC. But if we didn't want our President on TV all the time, maybe we shouldn't have elected Oprah's boyfriend." --Jimmy Kimmel

This is a crazy story. Fidel Castro, the former Cuban dictator, has a son named Antonio. That's not the crazy part. The crazy part — for eight months, Antonio Castro carried on an online affair with what he thought was a beautiful Colombian woman. That woman turned out to be a man, a Cuban activist who lives in Miami. It's especially fun because the Internet is difficult to access in Cuba. To get online in Cuba, you know, you have to give — I think you have to give five fish to a guy who has ColecoVision hooked up to a 1958 Impala." --Jimmy Kimmel