Tuesday, 23 March 2010
Tom Delay
Democrats vs Republicans Cartoon
Hitler's reaction after the healthcare reform
Thursday, 4 September 2008
political humor
As you all by now, John McCain has picked Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to be his vice presidential running mate. From what I understand, President Bush very upset with the choice. He said, 'Alaska? Why couldn't he have picked someone from America?'" --Jay Leno
"And we're learning more and more about Governor Palin. Apparently her daughter's name is Juno." --Jay Leno
"She also admitted she has smoked marijuana, but she did not enjoy it. Isn't that amazing? Something like 100 million Americans have smoked marijuana, but the only ones who don't seem to enjoy it are the ones running for office. Why is that?" --Jay Leno
"Here's the amazing part: back in 1984, Sarah Palin actually came second in the Miss Alaska beauty pageant. Now she could be vice president. You know what that means? For the first time in history, a beauty pageant contestant might actually bring about world peace. They've talked about it for years; here's one that could do it!" --Jay Leno
Well, there was talk about canceling the Republican Convention because of Hurricane Gustav. Actually, John McCain was not at the convention, at least not there yet. You know what he was doing? He was helping out during the hurricane. To give you an idea of what a compassionate guy McCain is, he moved over 200,000 evacuees into some of his empty houses. I thought that
was good." --Jay Leno
"The good news is Gustav has been downgraded to a tropical storm. Again, I don't think President Bush really understands this stuff. When he heard the levees were fine, he said, 'Thank God, but how are the Goldbergs? How are they doing?'" --Jay Leno
"Well it's now being reported that in exchange for Hillary's support, if he is elected, Barack Obama will make Hillary Clinton a Supreme Court judge. Has he thought this through? You know the Clintons: if she gets on the Supreme Court, she could demand a recount and declare herself the winner. It's happened before." --Jay Leno
"Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm, I think that's her name, she's trying to schedule a hearing to remove Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick from office, but Kilpatrick is fighting it. This is historic: this will mark the first time in history anyone has ever fought to stay Detroit." --Jay Leno
By the way, here's good news, ladies and gentlemen: the Palin family crisis that we were talking about on Sunday and Monday, that has been solved now, and, today, the baby is being adopted by Angelina Jolie." --David Letterman
And how are you going to be the vice president of the United States with five kids to take care of? She's got a four-month-old of her own, she's about to become a grandmother, and she's partnered with John McCain. How many diapers can one woman possibly change?" --Jimmy Kimmel
And I will tell you, nation, I am sick and tired of people saying Sarah
Palin is inexperienced. It is sexism, pure and simple. Her enemies wouldn't
be saying this if she was a man like Frank Matheny. Oh, you don't know
Frank? He's the mayor of Boot Hill, Montana; population: 7,500. In about 20
months, he's going to make a great vice president. Now, critics say John
McCain should have gone with someone who fills in his gaps, like Mitt
Romney. But Sarah Palin does more than fill McCain's gaps, she completes
him. [Video: McCain: 'She's a partner and a soul-mate']. The clincher was
the identical oil-rig birthmarks" --Stephen Colbert
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political humor
And Barack Obama will give his big speech tomorrow night at Invesco Field, a football stadium, which is appropriate, considering how many times Democrats have fumbled in the past few years." --Jay Leno
Here's a little political fact. Dick Cheney is the first Vice President in eighty years not to run for president. Actually, Cheney did consider four more years, but his doctor only gave him two-and-a-half." --Jay Leno
I thought Hillary Clinton gave a great speech last night, terrific speech. That tangerine-colored pantsuit she was wearing -- maybe I'm wrong, but didn't Elton John wear that at the Grammys last year?" --Jay Leno
"As you know, Barack Obama chose Joe Biden as his running mate. A lot of people are saying in the media that Biden was the logical choice. Now Biden got what, 8,000 votes during the primary, Hillary Clinton got 18 million votes? Well that's logical, sure. Ralph Nader with his 20 votes, what happened?" --Jay Leno
"And Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi in her speech, praised Joe Biden, calling him the 'full package,' that's what she called him, that's the actual term she used, she called him the 'full package.' Now he's getting phone calls from Senator Larry Craig." --Jay Leno
And eighty-four year-old Alaskan Senator Ted Stevens won his Senate primary yesterday despite being indicted on corruption charges. He was indicted on corruption charges and he won the primary. He says he wants to get back in the Senate so he can keep working on the new issue most important to him: outlawing prison rape. Yeah, for some reason that's his new issue." --Jay Leno
Barack Obama's freshly-minted running mate, Sen. Joe Biden, also spoke tonight, and I have to say, after all the name-related problems this campaign has had, why Obama would pick a vice president with the last name 'Biden' is beyond me. Not that there's anything wrong with the name of Biden, but Obama-Biden? - Jimmy Kimmel
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Tuesday, 10 June 2008
political humor
A big question people are asking Hillary Clinton: what is she going to do next? Where will she go? Where will she end up? Is she going to retire? I'm sorry, that's what they keep asking me. I'm sorry, I forgot." --Jay Leno
"It looks like Hillary Clinton will concede tomorrow. And, again, I don't think President Bush is familiar with this term. Like he said today, 'How could she concede? She's 60. That's too old to have kids.'" --Jay Leno
"Well, the talk is that Hillary Clinton is going to try and help unite the party. She's going to unite the party. But today Bill Clinton says, according to his experience, the party is usually over whenever Hillary shows up." --Jay Leno
"Well, according to the Wall Street Journal, a lot of Republicans are very excited about the idea of Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal for McCain's running mate. Do you know about this guy? Interesting, interesting guy. He's a child of immigrants from India. His parents came from India, and he can bring youth to the ticket. And of course, McCain's excited because he wants to learn how to use email." --Jay Leno
"An article in USA Today reports that Barack Obama and John McCain have two very different visions of the world. That's what it said. Yeah. Biggest difference is that John McCain's vision makes it impossible for him to drive at night. He's got to go slowly." --Conan O'Brien
Meanwhile, after Hillary's meeting with Barack, Bill Clinton is now saying it's only fair he have a private meeting with Michelle Obama and Salma Hayek." --Jimmy Kimmel
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