political humor

As you all by now, John McCain has picked Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to be his vice presidential running mate. From what I understand, President Bush very upset with the choice. He said, 'Alaska? Why couldn't he have picked  someone from America?'" --Jay Leno

"And we're learning more and more about Governor Palin. Apparently her daughter's name is Juno." --Jay Leno

"She also admitted she has smoked marijuana, but she did not enjoy it. Isn't  that amazing? Something like 100 million Americans have smoked marijuana, but the only ones who don't seem to enjoy it are the ones running for office. Why is that?" --Jay Leno

"Here's the amazing part: back in 1984, Sarah Palin actually came second in the Miss Alaska beauty pageant. Now she could be vice president. You know what that means? For the first time in history, a beauty pageant contestant might actually bring about world peace. They've talked about it for years; here's one that could do it!" --Jay Leno

Well, there was talk about canceling the Republican Convention because of Hurricane Gustav. Actually, John McCain was not at the convention, at least not there yet. You know what he was doing? He was helping out during the hurricane. To give you an idea of what a compassionate guy McCain is, he moved over 200,000 evacuees into some of his empty houses. I thought that
was good." --Jay Leno

"The good news is Gustav has been downgraded to a tropical storm. Again, I don't think President Bush really understands this stuff. When he heard the levees were fine, he said, 'Thank God, but how are the Goldbergs? How are they doing?'" --Jay Leno

"Well it's now being reported that in exchange for Hillary's support, if he is elected, Barack Obama will make Hillary Clinton a Supreme Court judge. Has he thought this through? You know the Clintons: if she gets on the Supreme Court, she could demand a recount and declare herself the winner. It's happened before." --Jay Leno

"Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm, I think that's her name, she's trying to schedule a hearing to remove Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick from office, but Kilpatrick is fighting it. This is historic: this will mark the first time in history anyone has ever fought to stay Detroit." --Jay Leno

By the way, here's good news, ladies and gentlemen: the Palin family crisis that we were talking about on Sunday and Monday, that has been solved now, and, today, the baby is being adopted by Angelina Jolie." --David Letterman

And how are you going to be the vice president of the United States with five kids to take care of? She's got a four-month-old of her own, she's about to become a grandmother, and she's partnered with John McCain. How many diapers can one woman possibly change?" --Jimmy Kimmel

And I will tell you, nation, I am sick and tired of people saying Sarah
Palin is inexperienced. It is sexism, pure and simple. Her enemies wouldn't
be saying this if she was a man like Frank Matheny. Oh, you don't know
Frank? He's the mayor of Boot Hill, Montana; population: 7,500. In about 20
months, he's going to make a great vice president. Now, critics say John
McCain should have gone with someone who fills in his gaps, like Mitt
Romney. But Sarah Palin does more than fill McCain's gaps, she completes
him. [Video: McCain: 'She's a partner and a soul-mate']. The clincher was
the identical oil-rig birthmarks" --Stephen Colbert

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