political humor

"Is the sky really falling, or are they just trying to convince us? You know, Bush went on TV -- he's always a guy who inspires confidence -- Wednesday night, and he said, quote, 'America could slip into a financial panic. The economy is in great danger.' And he held a flashlight under his chin." --Bill Maher

"President Bush spoke about the Wall Street bailout yesterday, and he said, this is the quote, 'if the money isn't loosened up, this sucker could go down.' So folks, if we know nothing else at this point, at least we know that President Bush is writing his own speeches." --Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday, Congressman Tim Murphy of Pennsylvania voiced concern that the bailout plan doesn't protect the little guy. Yeah. After hearing, this, Dennis Kucinich said, 'I'll be fine.'" --Conan O'Brien

But the good news, the crime rate is down. Isn't that amazing? Less banks are being robbed. Well, sure. A, there's less banks. B, the banks don't have any money left. And C, nobody's got gas money for the getaway car. So, right there, crime is down!" --Jay Leno

"You know, the interesting thing is, these numbers are so big that people can't even comprehend them. Like $700 billion. See, the best way to understand large amounts of money is to think of it in terms of what it can buy. For example, you know what $700 billion buys? It can buy you 100 senators and 435 congressmen." --Jay Leno

Tonight was the big debate between John McCain and Barack Obama. They billed it had as the crowd pleaser versus the old geezer. Kind of a tough one to do." --Jay Leno

A farmer in Ohio has carved a corn maze in his field in the likeness of Sarah Palin. The way it works? You you enter and suddenly realize you're way over your head." --Amy Poehler


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