political humor

A lot of biographical information about Sarah Palin last night. When she was 24 years old, she eloped with her boyfriend. Yeah, and I believe the last governor to elope with a boyfriend, was, well, Jim McGreevey." --David Letterman

How many of you folks saw that last night, the Vice President, Republican Sarah Palin? Whoa, man, I like that Sarah Palin – looks like the weekend anchor on Channel 9…She looks like the hygienist who makes you feel guilty about not flossing…She looks like the relieved mom in a Tide commercial." --David Letterman

"But, I mean, how about this, and she, you know, at one times was mayor of a very small town, a very small town in Alaska. Anybody here ever been to Alaska? Name of the town was Wasilla. Anybody ever been to Wasilla, Alaska? Anyway, Wasilla, Alaska – very small town. The town is so small, they had no professional hookers – no, no, just volunteers." --David Letterman

What a week this has been. If you watched last night, I guess you know, Barack Obama got beat up by a girl." --Jay Leno

"No, Palin had everybody mesmerized. Even Senator Larry Craig said he was glued to his toilet seat." --Jay Leno

"And…Bill Clinton said that when 'Hillary attacks Obama it's wrong, but when Sarah does it, it's somehow hot.'" --Jay Leno

Palin said last night that John McCain had seen evil, but I didn't even know Dick Cheney was at the convention." --Jay Leno

"All the Republicans are heaping praise on Governor Palin. Fred Thompson said, as an actor, he could see them making a movie about Sarah Palin and her family. Didn't they already make that movie? I think it was called 'Knocked Up.'" --Jay Leno

"She said at her church, Governor Palin, said she asked everyone to pray for a natural gas pipeline, which she said was God's will. And today, God said, "Hey lady, I don't deal with oil companies. That's more Satan's area.'" --Jay Leno

"One of the convention speakers praised George Bush Sr. for passing the Americans with Disabilities Act, allowing people with disabilities to get hired. Thus, of course, paving the way for his own son to one day become President." --Jay Leno

While she was addressing the crowd, Sarah Palin spent a lot of time criticizing Barack Obama's campaign speeches for not having enough specifics. … Obama was reportedly angry about the claim, but didn't say exactly why." --Conan O'Brien

"Today, the Mayor of Detroit agreed to plead guilty to obstruction of justice charges. … Yeah, as punishment, he will be required to serve out his full term as Mayor of Detroit." --Conan O'Brien

"One of the big themes for convention speakers was that we need to elect a Republican that will go in and clean up the mess in Washington. I think that's a great lesson for kids -- always clean up your own mess." --Jimmy Kimmel