political humor

Are you folks following this Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae fiasco? Do you know anything about it? It's horrible, isn't it? I mean horrible and scary. Thank God it's over. Earlier today, earlier today Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae were both adopted by Angelina Jolie." --David Letterman

Political observers are pointing out, maybe you've seen this too, that at campaign rallies, John McCain likes to give Sarah Palin a hug, then give his wife a kiss on the cheek. That's the ritual, yeah. When asked about it, McCain said, 'Believe me, that's about as much sex as I can handle.' That's an orgy for him. I went too far." --Conan O'Brien

What do you think of McCain's slogan? 'Country First.' That's his slogan, 'Country First.' Wasn't that one of those big mortgage companies that folded about a couple months ago? ...." --Jay Leno

"The campaign is coming down to one very important issue: putting makeup on farm animals. That seems to be where we're at. Oh, this is so stupid. Did you hear about this? Yesterday, Barack Obama attacked John McCain's policies, implying it's more of the same by saying ... you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig. To which Bill Clinton said, 'You know, I've tried that, and you're right.'" --Jay Leno

Well, more good news this week for John McCain. It seems he is now matching Barack Obama's fundraising numbers. But he does have a slight advantage. See, for every dollar McCain raises, Medicare matches it." --Jay Leno

Big international news. I don't know if you heard about this, sources in North Korea say that dictator Kim Jong-Il is very sick. He may have to shift power to one of his three sons. Kim Jong-Nam, Kim Jong-Chul or Kim Jong-Woo. Yeah. Of course, there's still an out-of-the-box chance he'll pick Sarah Palin. She comes when you least expect it." --Conan O'Brien

"The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig. Political experts say that if Obama keeps insulting Palin, he could lose the election and win a job at MSNBC." --Conan O'Brien

"Yeah, politicians today are all lining up to attack Obama's comment about putting lipstick on a pig. That's right. President Bush called the remarks outrageous. Dick Cheney called them over the line. Joe Lieberman said they're not kosher." --Conan O'Brien

"Boy George, remember him? Boy George says he's written a song supporting Barack Obaman called "Yes we can". Yeah, this will help Barack lock up the critical 1980s gay British popstar vote. If you have them, the rest will follow." --Conan O'Brien


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