"Axelrod really wanted me to do this on teleprompter -- but I told him I'm much better when I wing it," Biden said, referring to Obama's senior adviser. "I know these evenings run long, so I'm going to be brief. Talk about the audacity of hope. President Obama does send his greetings, though. He can't be here tonight -- because he's busy getting ready for Easter. He thinks it's about him."
More highlights from Biden's comedy routine:
On dying newspapers: "I understand these are dark days for the newspaper business, but I hate it when people say that newspapers are obsolete. That's totally untrue. I know from firsthand experience. I recently got a puppy, and you can't housebreak a puppy on the Internet."
On being vice president: "You know, I never realized just how much power Dick Cheneyhad until my first day on the job. I walked into my office, and you know how the outgoing president always leaves the incoming president a note in his desk? I opened my drawer and Dick Cheney had left me Barack Obama's birth certificate."
On his propensity for gaffes: "I'd like to address some of the things I said: Like when I said that 'JOBS' is a three-letter word. I did say that. But I didn't mean it literally. It's like how, right now, most people think AIG is a four-letter word. Or when I announced our stimulus package website, I was asked how you get to it: All I said was I didn't know the website number. What I really meant to say was, 'Ted Stevens didn't tell me what tube the website is in.'"
California Gov. Arnold Schwarzegger, the featured Republican speaker, offered a different explanation for why Obama didn't show: "He's just not that into you."
"Here you were expecting 'Yes we can,'" Schwarzenegger added. "And instead what did you get? 'Hasta la vista, baby.'"
More highlights from Biden's comedy routine:
On dying newspapers: "I understand these are dark days for the newspaper business, but I hate it when people say that newspapers are obsolete. That's totally untrue. I know from firsthand experience. I recently got a puppy, and you can't housebreak a puppy on the Internet."
On being vice president: "You know, I never realized just how much power Dick Cheneyhad until my first day on the job. I walked into my office, and you know how the outgoing president always leaves the incoming president a note in his desk? I opened my drawer and Dick Cheney had left me Barack Obama's birth certificate."
On his propensity for gaffes: "I'd like to address some of the things I said: Like when I said that 'JOBS' is a three-letter word. I did say that. But I didn't mean it literally. It's like how, right now, most people think AIG is a four-letter word. Or when I announced our stimulus package website, I was asked how you get to it: All I said was I didn't know the website number. What I really meant to say was, 'Ted Stevens didn't tell me what tube the website is in.'"
California Gov. Arnold Schwarzegger, the featured Republican speaker, offered a different explanation for why Obama didn't show: "He's just not that into you."
"Here you were expecting 'Yes we can,'" Schwarzenegger added. "And instead what did you get? 'Hasta la vista, baby.'"
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