"After Barack Obama was on the show Thursday, I got a phone call from Joe Biden going, 'Wow, what was it like to talk to the President?'" --Jay Leno
It turns out the bonus money that AIG got was actually $218 million and not the $165 million that was originally reported. AIG said they misplaced $53 million in bonuses. And today, Senator Chris Dodd said, 'You mean that wasn't a campaign contribution?'" --Jay Leno
"Congress is now investigating the special treatment that 'Senator Dodge,' as we're calling him now, received from Countrywide Mortgage for a couple of mortgages. Senator Dodd has contended he didn't know he was getting special rates on the mortgages. And, really, to be fair, how would the Senate chairman of the banking committee have any idea what the normal lending rate would be?" --Jay Leno
"President Obama has filled out his NCAA tournament bracket. He picked 14 of the Sweet 16 right. That's pretty good. That's better than he did with his cabinet positions." --Jay Leno
"Former President George W. Bush is now writing a book about the 12 toughest decisions that he had to make as president. He said each decision had three options -- rock, paper and scissors." --Jay Leno
"This week eight tourists became the first Westerners to vacation in Iraq on an officially sanctioned tour. They're taking spring break in Iraq, which is kind of like spring break in Florida. Half get bombed. The other half get stoned." --Jay Leno
"In a move that will cost 300 Americans their jobs, the Federal government announced it will no longer buy American-made condoms made in Alabama. We're now going to buy cheaper condoms made in China. Does that make any sense? If Chinese condoms are so good, why are there over one billion Chinese people?" --Jay Leno
"Congress is now investigating the special treatment that 'Senator Dodge,' as we're calling him now, received from Countrywide Mortgage for a couple of mortgages. Senator Dodd has contended he didn't know he was getting special rates on the mortgages. And, really, to be fair, how would the Senate chairman of the banking committee have any idea what the normal lending rate would be?" --Jay Leno
"President Obama has filled out his NCAA tournament bracket. He picked 14 of the Sweet 16 right. That's pretty good. That's better than he did with his cabinet positions." --Jay Leno
"Former President George W. Bush is now writing a book about the 12 toughest decisions that he had to make as president. He said each decision had three options -- rock, paper and scissors." --Jay Leno
"This week eight tourists became the first Westerners to vacation in Iraq on an officially sanctioned tour. They're taking spring break in Iraq, which is kind of like spring break in Florida. Half get bombed. The other half get stoned." --Jay Leno
"In a move that will cost 300 Americans their jobs, the Federal government announced it will no longer buy American-made condoms made in Alabama. We're now going to buy cheaper condoms made in China. Does that make any sense? If Chinese condoms are so good, why are there over one billion Chinese people?" --Jay Leno
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