This is hilarious - some of the writeups are really funny, and the quiz below. Glad to see Emerson Lake Palmer, Michael Bolton, and Kenny G in the top 5.
Everything bad about the '60s, in one easy-to-avoid package
Legend has it that this Los Angeles acid-rock quintet had consumed such massive amounts of marijuana during the 1968 sessions for "In the Garden of Eden" that keyboardist-singer Doug Ingle could only mumble the title. Hence, "In-a-Gadda-da-Vida" was born
49 TOAD THE WET SPROCKET
Very poor name. Even poorer band
"We were together longer than we ever thought we'd be," said Toad the Wet Sprocket singer Glenn Phillips when the band gave up in 1998. Longer than the rest of us had hoped, too.
Very poor name. Even poorer band
"We were together longer than we ever thought we'd be," said Toad the Wet Sprocket singer Glenn Phillips when the band gave up in 1998. Longer than the rest of us had hoped, too.
41 WHITESNAKE
Dumb and dumberer
Led by ex–Deep Purple frontman David Coverdale, Whitesnake's '80s success with their karaoke Led Zeppelin routine can be explained only by the public's enduring love for the double entendre, as exemplified on such songs as "Slide It In," "Slow Poke Music" and "Spit It Out."
Dumb and dumberer
Led by ex–Deep Purple frontman David Coverdale, Whitesnake's '80s success with their karaoke Led Zeppelin routine can be explained only by the public's enduring love for the double entendre, as exemplified on such songs as "Slide It In," "Slow Poke Music" and "Spit It Out."
37 THE DOORS
He was the Lizard King. No, really…
While in college, many young men still choose to immerse themselves in such ill-advised subjects as Nietzsche, black magic and Native American folklore. Most get over it; Jim Morrison, unfortunately, inflicted his terminally adolescent views on the wider world. The consequences included overblown screeds of nonsense such as "The End" and "The Crystal Ship," plus, effectively, the invention of goth. Then he got fat and died.
Appalling fact Morrison is widely believed to have suffered his fatal heart attack while masturbating in the bathtub.
He was the Lizard King. No, really…
While in college, many young men still choose to immerse themselves in such ill-advised subjects as Nietzsche, black magic and Native American folklore. Most get over it; Jim Morrison, unfortunately, inflicted his terminally adolescent views on the wider world. The consequences included overblown screeds of nonsense such as "The End" and "The Crystal Ship," plus, effectively, the invention of goth. Then he got fat and died.
Appalling fact Morrison is widely believed to have suffered his fatal heart attack while masturbating in the bathtub.
26 CÉLINE DION
One more reason to hate the French?
Seemingly hellbent from birth on proving that Michael Bolton isn't the cheesiest balladeer on the face of the planet, the French-Canadian singer first secured a manager at age 12 — creepily, she later married him. But far more terrifying is her endless string of shrieking über-hits, particularly the Titanic theme, "My Heart Will Go On" — which, if it had been played on the ship itself, would surely have made passengers leap to their doom long before the iceberg did its dastardly deed.
One more reason to hate the French?
Seemingly hellbent from birth on proving that Michael Bolton isn't the cheesiest balladeer on the face of the planet, the French-Canadian singer first secured a manager at age 12 — creepily, she later married him. But far more terrifying is her endless string of shrieking über-hits, particularly the Titanic theme, "My Heart Will Go On" — which, if it had been played on the ship itself, would surely have made passengers leap to their doom long before the iceberg did its dastardly deed.
14 YNGWIE MALMSTEEN
Big on solos, short on songs
With his passion for the music of Deep Purple's Ritchie Blackmore, Swedish guitar show-off Yngwie Malmsteen co-opted his hero's deadpan demeanor, neoclassical solos and frilly cuffs, garnering kudos from '80s bedroom guitar onanists for his playing speed.
Big on solos, short on songs
With his passion for the music of Deep Purple's Ritchie Blackmore, Swedish guitar show-off Yngwie Malmsteen co-opted his hero's deadpan demeanor, neoclassical solos and frilly cuffs, garnering kudos from '80s bedroom guitar onanists for his playing speed.
10 AIR SUPPLY
The sound of eunuchs sobbing
Disproving the theory that lightning never strikes twice in the same place, Air Supply contained not one but two mewling, lovesick softies whose name was Russell. In the early '80s, the Australian duo's gutless ballads — music so remorselessly fey it made Journey sound like Danzig — sent a generation of jilted lovers toppling into depression that was as clinical as the Russells' music. Mercifully, though, by the end of the decade, the pair had cried themselves to sleep.
Appalling fact Determined to ruin the festive season, Air Supply once recorded a Christmas album.
The sound of eunuchs sobbing
Disproving the theory that lightning never strikes twice in the same place, Air Supply contained not one but two mewling, lovesick softies whose name was Russell. In the early '80s, the Australian duo's gutless ballads — music so remorselessly fey it made Journey sound like Danzig — sent a generation of jilted lovers toppling into depression that was as clinical as the Russells' music. Mercifully, though, by the end of the decade, the pair had cried themselves to sleep.
Appalling fact Determined to ruin the festive season, Air Supply once recorded a Christmas album.
ARE YOU IN THE WORST BAND IN THE WORLD?
Take this simple multiple-choice quiz and save yourself some embarrassment!
1 How long is your drummer's solo?
a) He doesn't get one.
b) A couple minutes is all, and it's very funky.
c) Which of our drummers are you talking about?
2 What is the secret of your success?
a) Inspiration.
b) Perspiration.
c) Butchering old soul classics in a manner beloved by middle-aged housewives and the mentally unwell.
3 How many times has your band's lineup changed?
a) Never happened, dude. If anyone left, it just wouldn't be the same.
b) A few. It's so hard to find a good accordionist.
c) 1,179.
4 The name of your band is…
a) A favorite phrase from a William S. Burroughs novel.
b) An action verb, followed by an even number.
c) Indistinguishable from that of an accounting firm.
5 What is your favorite subject matter for lyrics?
a) The pain of loving.
b) The joy of drinking.
c) Dragons. Or dungeons. But mostly dragons.
IF YOU ANSWERED…
Mostly a): Congratulations! You're in a good band.
Mostly b): Commiserations! You're in a not-very-good band.
Mostly c): What's that sucking sound? Oh, it's you.
Take this simple multiple-choice quiz and save yourself some embarrassment!
1 How long is your drummer's solo?
a) He doesn't get one.
b) A couple minutes is all, and it's very funky.
c) Which of our drummers are you talking about?
2 What is the secret of your success?
a) Inspiration.
b) Perspiration.
c) Butchering old soul classics in a manner beloved by middle-aged housewives and the mentally unwell.
3 How many times has your band's lineup changed?
a) Never happened, dude. If anyone left, it just wouldn't be the same.
b) A few. It's so hard to find a good accordionist.
c) 1,179.
4 The name of your band is…
a) A favorite phrase from a William S. Burroughs novel.
b) An action verb, followed by an even number.
c) Indistinguishable from that of an accounting firm.
5 What is your favorite subject matter for lyrics?
a) The pain of loving.
b) The joy of drinking.
c) Dragons. Or dungeons. But mostly dragons.
IF YOU ANSWERED…
Mostly a): Congratulations! You're in a good band.
Mostly b): Commiserations! You're in a not-very-good band.
Mostly c): What's that sucking sound? Oh, it's you.
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