political humor

"Do you know about this? Texas Gov. Rick Perry fired up an anti-tax tea party this week by saying that Texas has the right to secede from the Union if it wants to. And former President Bush, who now lives in Texas, is of course against the idea. Bush said if Texas leaves the Union, they'll be a foreign country, 'like Alaska and Hawaii.'" --Jay Leno

"But on the plus side, if Texas did secede from the Union, we could then invade them for the oil." --Jay Leno

"Newsweek magazine reports that the reason there are so many of these pirate hijackings is that the shipping companies have decided it's cheaper just to pay a ransom than to change the shipping route to sail out of the pirates' way. So even though these are evil crooks, we give them the money anyway. It's the same way the bank bailout works." --Jay Leno

"And New York Governor David Paterson announced that he will support legalizing gay marriage in New York. Well, you can understand why New York politicians are for this. Let's look at the problems. I mean, David Paterson and his affair, Eliot Spitzer with the hookers, Hillary and Bill. Straight marriages obviously don't work in New York. - Jay Leno

"George W. Bush has reportedly landed a $7 million book deal. The book will be about his years as president and is tentatively called 'Decision Point,' because every time Bush had to make a decision, he would point to Cheney." --Jay Leno

"To pay off her campaign debt, Hillary Clinton is auctioning off a day with Bill Clinton. She is. Bill says he's thrilled to do it, as long as Hillary isn't allowed to enter the auction." --Jimmy Fallon