Political Humor

They said today you cannot get swine flu from eating pork, which, of course, raises the question, so what were these guys doing with the pig?" --Jay Leno

"Senator Arlen Specter has a new reality show ? 'I'm a Republican Get Me Out of Here!'" --Jay Leno

"The economy is so bad that today, the White House flew a Southwest plane over the Statue of Liberty." --Jay Leno

How about that swine flu? The government is saying forget about nonessential air travel, an example of which would be flying Air Force One really low over New York City." --David Letterman

"See all those people on the news walking around wearing those surgical masks, huh? For the swine flu. Suddenly Michael Jackson is not so crazy, huh? Yeah! I think we owe Michael an apology." --Jay Leno

"Remember the good old days when we thought the only bad pork was in the Federal budget?" --Jay Leno

"They say this outbreak of swine flu got its start in Mexico and then came up here. You know what Wal-Mart calls something that got its start in Mexico and came up here? Employees." --Jay Leno

They say this swine flu is pretty rough, if you happen to get it. In fact, on the news today, I heard a commentator say, 'You wouldn't wish this on your worst enemy.' People always say that about something that's really bad. But are you all hoping that Osama bin Laden orBernard Madoff doesn't get this?" --Jay Leno

"Well, another pilot has been taken off a plane for being drunk. This time it was an Air Canada pilot who was about to fly from London to Calgary. They took him off the plane before he could do something really stupid, you know, like fly low over Manhattan." --Jay Leno

"And I love this. At the Summit of the Americas, the leaders of Cuba, Nicaragua, and Venezuela all agreed that capitalism will destroy the planet. Then they all hopped in their private jets and returned to their huge palaces." --Jay Leno

To help contain the spread of the disease, the U.S. government is trying to discourage Mexicans from coming into the United States, which is pretty much what they have been doing for like the last 40 years. So that plan doesn't work." --Jimmy Kimmel