Political humor

Well, here's no surprise, Exxon has earned the top spot in the new 2009 Fortune 500 list. Last year, Exxon took in -- this is an unbelievable number -- $443 billion in revenue, and made a profit of $45 billion. You know, here's my question: why not have Exxon bail out the car companies? I mean, one can't live without the other, right?" --Jay Leno

"They are now holding national elections in India. You know, voting over there lasts a month. They have a month of voting, which seems long for an election. Unless you're from Minnesota. Then it's like nothing." --Jay Leno

"So many newspapers all across the country are going out of business. It's pretty scary, so congratulations to The New York Times this week, which this week won five Pulitzer Prizes. I read about it online on Google News." --Jay Leno

Remember those Somali pirates, those crazy guys that are hijacking boats and stuff? They got one of them here in New York City standing trial. And I want to tell you something, this guy thinks he's a pirate. Well, wait until he gets the bill for his New York legal team. Then we'll see who the pirate is. That's what I say." --David Letterman

"But they have the pirate locked up. And today, he met one of his idols, Bernie Madoff." --David Letterman